I fucking love waldorf salad. I will eat that anytime.

Waldorf salad is amazingly pretty good. I don't understand why—it doesn't seem like the ingredients should work.

It may not be served again after last Christmas when she asked if she should make it and I told her (a few glasses of wine into the holiday) that it looked like an abortion. Oops.

Ooh, be careful, I hear eye rolling is super emasculating! Won't someone think of the men!??!

Should I piss on their leg too. I'll do it.

Children will be henceforth referred to as "wombbusters" and abortion will be henceforth referred to as "nuking from orbit (it's the only way to be sure)."

Calling a mother a 'host' gives pregnancy a certain air of science fiction, doesn't it?

I don't get how some people were conceived, were children, and then never had the brains to thank their hosts mothers they were born and just treat women equally.

A guy held the door open for me the other day and I immediately invited him over so that he could fuck my wife and make me a cuckold.

Looking for a way to weed out the shitty men in the world? Open a door for all of them and write off the weirdos who are freaked out by that.

Do you want tenure?!

I really hope he's thinking he can trade up. Because my favorite thing about Robin Thicke is how oblivious he seems to be to the egg timer that's counting down his fifteen minutes.

I am actually surprised. I figured they were in an open relationship.

Don't know where you've been hanging out, but Oberst has been an indie rock luminary for going on 15 years now.

Can I boycott them after I've seen the grand canyon, cause that shit is supposed to be amazing.

Right? If we do some simple math, though I know that maths are hard, we can imagine that she is awake about 16 or so hours per day, and that she must sleep at some point, at which time it is difficult to drink Diet Coke. So she is drinking a little more than 3 DC's per hour, from morning until night. I would throw up.

Is it that you don't get the joke, or are you one of those unfortunate souls who thinks explaining a joke makes it more amusing?

How did she find the time to both drink and pee out 50 cans of that sweet, sweet DC Battery per day?

Hey hey hey! Let's not bring coffee into this!

Nothing wrong with it when you yourself choose to share such details on the internet, which is what January Jones did.