You don’t will a nipple hair to grow. It just happens. Overnight. You go to sleep and there’s nothing, and the next evening you’re showering and there’s a 1/2 inch, thick, jet black hair poking out you boob.

It seems that the Queer Eye folks are a bit more involved in creating maintainable change, compared to say, Bar Rescue etc.

My dog is part terrier so he has to ‘announce’ things he thinks I should know about. Which is every person doing a ‘job’. Mailmen, delivery people, arborists.

Maybe this is why I had an absolutely ridiculously traumatic dream about flunking out of college last week.

I’m so glad there’s a word for it. The concept of being pregnant is so overtly terrifying. I just. ahhhhh. It’s a physical feeling akin to my skin trying to turn itself inside out. 

One of my nyquil related dreams last week was my dog pooping on a rug at Buckingham Palace and no one blinking an eye because they were so used to the corgis.

I think it just doesn’t present symptoms for a long while, and when it does they are kind of ‘eh, what? maybe? I guess I’m just tired’.

If there is a baby on a plane and the parents are doing what is within their means to do, then well, it’s reasonable that I will need to tolerate screaming/crying.

Her clothes are impeccable, which I think is why people adore them. But they aren’t necessarily interesting. And in recent events they are just reaching so close to mumsy and dowdy. The mint green dress she wore to the party for Prince of Wale’s investiture is brilliantly fitted and kind of unique but also looks like…

Yeah, it is what it is. 2 hours you’ll be fine.

A) I didn’t see that they hadn’t gotten treated. But it seems there wasn’t a way around that. and B) So you’re saying that because I have chronically shitty lungs with shitty capacity that have been ruined by years of asthma and thus cough like consumption victim every time I get sick for weeks after I’m treated, I’m…

4 months is the perfect time to fly with a kid. They aren’t mobile. They sleep when milk drunk and on a familiar person but also respond positively to external stimuli like stuffed animals and funny faces.

Speaking as a crappy lung haver who currently still sounds moderately like they have TB even though they are 7 days into a course of antibiotics for bacterial bronchitis, you can still sound fucking awful AND not be contagious anymore. Last time I had pneumonia I coughed for a month straight. 

Because we live in a society and sometimes you have to deal with reasonable amounts of annoying. 

With an 11 month old, the big challenge will be the constant one that you generally already deal with: ‘but I am mobile now and you’re not letting me be mobile and I am displeased by this so I will share this displeasure with you all’.

It’s been 11 years since this flight, and I’m still mad deep down at the parents who only brought one bottle of formula/boob for their infant. On a flight from Philly to Frankfurt. They figured the flight would provide it. They had milk, of course, but not infant formula.

It is astonishing. At least offer nitrous or something. I have some dental work trauma and my dentist throws anti anxiety/pain relief practically before I’m in the chair, even for just a cleaning! I do not understand why if the pain involves the uterus it doesn’t matter. 

I got called a whore when I flipped off a Planned Parenthood protestor. It’s my crowning achievement. 

Apparently if you don’t pierce their ears when they’re 6 months or put one of those godawful headbands on them, they can’t possibly be a girl.

I was on essentially a keto diet when I had to do elimination for a medical diagnosis.