I hadn't read it yet when I posted that...please don't remind me *gags*

The majority of my stir fry dinners are just a peanut sauce vehicle.

That's because peanut sauce is legitimately delicious. It's like eating tastier peanut butter. Nothing weird about that.

Ranch dressing is what makes bad pizza into good pizza.

I know! Like you're hiding Costco drums full of it under the counter but they have to know the secret password or some damn thing.

One of the side affects of this is that I now know it's a thing that people carry around bottles of ranch dressing in their purses or bags.

On the weekends, I work in a restaurant that flat out DOES NOT CARRY RANCH. It is one of the greatest pleasures of the job to tell people that they can't have any.
One of the side affects of this is that I now know it's a thing that people carry around bottles of ranch dressing in their purses or bags.
Unrefrigerated…

When we got engaged we went to a fancy restaurant to celebrate. The kind of place where the salads have three line descriptions and the dressings are things like " locally sourced small batch extra virgin olive oil and house aged balsamic vinegar infused with Door County cherry essence." One guy in a t-shirt and…

They would even mix it in with their sweet tea.

can you specify the location of that gas station sink?

Can we just convert Jezebel to *only* Closed Ovens for this week? The amount of bad news I can't do anything about is overwhelming.

I will never understand the obsession people have with ranch. Do I enjoy a salad with ranch on it every once in a while? Sure. I mean, I prefer a nice vinaigrette, but who doesn't shake it up?

The only thing more American than that last entry would be to smear yourself in red, white, and blue hamfat and streak through the streets screaming "AMERICA, MOTHERFUCKERS! USA! USA! USA!"

They would even mix it in with their sweet tea.

When I worked at Panera, people would lose their damn minds when we didn't have Ranch. These people could be police interrogators with how thoroughly they would question us.

"They would even mix it in with their sweet tea."

Ranch abuse is an awesome name for that, I want a T-shirt.

I went from [jonah hill screaming in delight .gif] to [cat saying NONONONONONO.gif] by the time I hit that last story.

For it to be truly American, it should really be ranch dressing and Coke.

ranch mixed with sweet tea sounds like an even grosser irish car bomb, without the benefit of an alcohol content. it's like they had to make it 'MURICA