I only got to the second one (srsly, so long), but I'm sad if you legitimately only care about sex the first time (or few times?) you speak to someone of the opposite sex. Like . . . the first conversation you have with every woman is boring because, regardless of topic, you could give two shits about what she's…

Yes! I was watching basketball recently and commented that NFL players are universally hotter than NBA players. Maybe this was not always true . . .

I feel her. I used to (1) be embarrassed that I was "too skinny" and (2) have a muffin top. AT THE SAME TIME. B/c my goddamn pants were too small.

WOAH WOAH WOAH. I didn't get out of bed this morning looking for a fight but I cannot believe I just found someone knocking the Yoop.

This is why I always carry a bowling pin in my purse.

I'm at the "I'm ready to have kids . . . oh god what am I doing? I'M RUINING MY LIFE" stage and I'm writing ALL of this down.

Haha, I'm sorry. I have no vested interest in this conversation but I'm a dick and I couldn't help it. I'm also a loser so I'm STILL high fiving myself for the joke, 6 minutes later. "Good one, bro!"

Maybe you're like a McRib, and your ribs are actually made out of barbecued meat. That would explain it.

When I was an awkward teenage girl I used to sit in my bedroom, looking at pictures of headless, handless mannequins, and lament my stupid, gross head and hands. Oh how desperately I wanted to be beautifully headless and handless like those beautiful mannequins!

I don't understand what this lady's chubby hand has to do with the discussion.

Ha! I do that as well. Except I do pervy comments instead of kitty emojis . . .

You can buy car horns at auto supply stores and they're actually easy to install. I'm an idiot about that kind of thing and I did it with a youtube video (my car came with an embarrassing little squeaky horn). I'm guessing if you went online you could easily find some crazy loud horn to hook up. If I still lived in…

And you know this . . . how?

Go out and meet some people, man. This alpha/beta stuff is indicative of someone who spends more time on the internet than real life . . .

When a man says, "Women don't like . . . " it's usually followed by something so absurdly untrue it's either sad or funny.

And completely unavailable in many parts of Detroit. They don't sell kale at 7-11 or the gas station.

I just watched that last night and it took me AT LEAST that long to realize it was him. Then I was sad b/c I have some weird aversion to Chris Evans (that probably stems from those horrible 2 hours I spent watching Captain America). But, yeah, damn, little beard, little dirt on the face, RAWR.

How many of them used their exceptional talents to magically leap to the top of the corporate ladder right out of school?

Plastic underwear makes me think "perma-yeast infection." Make that shit breathable and we'll be RICH (you have to share with money with me b/c I came up with the breathable part).

Ugh, any day that I wear shoes with buckle straps to work is a bad day b/c I have to have my shoes on ALL DAY.