Shopping for gender neutral baby clothes? I hope you like ducks!

Reasons Why Beer is Better than Anybody:

I can't stop laughing along with this.

My older kid is five and I think I have finally managed to find a balance of meals that are kid friendly, yet still enjoyable to adults. This mainly involves taking out the kids' portion first then seasoning the shit out of the remainder.

That's OK. I know people who know how to find things.

It is on Netflix? I'll waste a few hours on that. My standards are low.

Is that like a skant?

Scarlett is so bad I only read it twice. Um.

Nothing specifically but I am always wary when downloading an app about what the permissions for that app actually are. So until the company spells out how they will use the access to my photos, I will remain suspicious.

Based on previous articles I am now trying to guess which kid in the top photo is dead. I mean, they are all probably dead now but the dead one in the picture.

So someone developed an app that gets women to send them pictures of their boobs? And no one thinks this is creepy? OK, got it.

I don't know why but I find the basketball hoop to be hilarious.

How about this? Being a mom is not a job but it is some goddamn fucking hard WORK.

No joke: As I approached my mid-December due date with the SpaceKid, my Canadian husband asked me if I could maybe hold on for a few more weeks. As a Christmas present I decided not to stab him in the face.

Nine years ago when I was switching apartments, our landlord came in to start painting the walls before we had fully moved our stuff out (we were still under lease) and THREW MY BLANKY AWAY.

I GOT THAT TURKEY PLATTER TOO!

This calculator is the reason I never learned to do physics properly. I was too busy playing Tetris on it.

THANK YOU. I swear I was so confused by everyone acting like this is new. I felt like I was having a stroke or something.

The worst part is, every time I'm chopping now my son will stand there and be like, "Make sure you pay attention this time."

My friends came over for dinner once and spent the entire time bitching about my shitty knives so for Christmas that year they gave me a super awesome chef's knife.