@Hamsterpants: Here, sweetheart, have some pie to make yourself feel better.

Jennings shirt is better in the non photoshopped picture.

@Vivien Smith-Smythe-Smith: Normal cows that end up as regular grocery store meat, eat corn. Despite the fact that cows do not naturally eat corn, it is used because it is cheap and makes the cows fatter faster.

@briardahl: Bill Kurtis or not, it's still a non-profit.

When I was 15 or so a girl on my softball team had done the vaca braid thing. While we were on a road trip she decided to take them out so a few girls on the team helped her undo all the braids. Since the braids kept her hair from shedding like normal, as we combed them out her hair fell out in clumps. She she freaked…

@SomeAuthorGirl: YES! That is exactly what I was trying to express in my first comment.

@SmoothLeather: I am sure there is a box somewhere in my mother's house just filled to the brim with dusty gimp lanyards.

I kind of like the feather ones. They remind me of the boudoir shoes that the women always seem to be wearing in older films. The ones with the poufs on the front that match their feathery, fussy robes.

I am never going to be able to watch Where the Boys Are in the same way again.

I'd say I am more a Mindy Micro Brew but then I suppose that's too elitist for McCain.

@Spaceman Bill Leah has the Crazy Eyes: OH! and that whole lighting our left hand on fire. That was probably stupid but it looked really cool, right?

Body,

I just typed my son's name into the SSA name popularity search and I got this:

Save all the wrappers from your Ramen Noodles, girls. They can later be used to assemble as dress that is both flirty AND frugal.

@Jerkwheat: Well then it would be the Boston Naked Vaginas.

What this birthday party needs is less entitlement and more dinosaurs.

@UpstateUnderdog: cause the Boston Vaginas is totally classy...

@SlantedAndDisenchanted: Don't hate, he's just trying to put his creative writing degree to good use.

@Len Bias Cocaine Surplus: I will look into that. For now you all will just have to go to Jezebel to see me looking like a weirdo. Or, you know, meet me in person.

@Len Bias Cocaine Surplus: Damn gingers, always causing trouble.