I just now learned that it wasn’t original to Earth, Wind & Fire. *cue “The More You Know” rainbow*

As an Oregonian, you missed about 395 different types of rain. Much like the Inuit have 500 words for snow, Oregonians (and to a lesser extent Washingtonians) have 400+ different types of feeling depressed to describe the exact nature of the rain and the grey sky. It’s a cold soaking mist coming from a slate gray…

I’m not 100% sure what this means, but I think that you are insulting both Jeets and Bryce, so I’m giving it a star anyway.

He’s clearly having a stroke of some kind.

We’re all agreed this guy is jacking it, right?

Zach Smith looks like a guy who tells his friends, “I know they have to act like that, but that stripper was definitely into me.”

She HE needs to tell those shameless, tacky bitches who hit on her husband in front of her to step off.

“In a world that sees nuance as nuisance, women are not allowed to both despise the man on the street that compliments your ass AND also feel invisible in the shadow of a man who is showered with adoration, praise and the attention of countless women.” 

It’s fun that the NHL is the kind of league where that meaningless offside call gets reviewed but there’s no option to give McAvoy a major penalty for trying to decapitate another player. 

Can you imagine how pissed the Avalanche players will be if they have to watch the fucking Nuggets raise a Cup banner at Pepsi Center? “This just feels... just WRONG, man. Ah well... we still have a shot at the Lombardi Trophy, I guess.”

For the benefit of my poor roommate, a San Jose native living in Boston who has had to stay up for every Sharks game so far this playoffs, I do not hope that Avs-Sharks goes to OT.

Some teams win.

I love upsets, but I hate that this whole playoff season is setting up for yet another hateful Boston team to win a championship.  If you are wondering what makes them hateful, they’re all hateful.

He just fucked off to Panama for a week and then came back and basically said, “My bad.”

<pedantry/> Melanin. Melatonin is that stuff that helps you sleep. But your point remains a good one. (Side note: why the hell is JD Martinez going? Is is just because he’s really into guns?)

the list of players attending sounds about white

Their third album was surprisingly good, and I think it's underrated. I would never call them rock.  It's Indy pop, and for that, they are pretty good at it. 

Goddamn it.

Tyreek: Zounds! I beseech you, fine woman, clear me of these false accusations!

So you've never heard of Baylor before, huh?