Honestly Britbrit I like where your head’s at you just have to be careful. I’ve met a lot of hot nerds who came into their looks post-high school and it’s made them into MONSTERS. And you’re like, how could you cheat on me while borrowing my car and they’re like ooooo I was never hot in high school and they almost cry…

I was just at the Seattle Aquarium and saw Kong. He is yooooge but seemed really depressed. He squished himself in a corner and didn't move the entire time I was there. I hope he enjoys his freedom.

Same with this fat fuck. <3

I work in post production. It used to be fun, and we would typically throw parties that would get ever so slightly out of hand. The most memorable one was when a client got drunk,

It’s our revenge.

I absolutely LOVE that she didn’t apologize and gave zero fucks about his opinion. I hope that tweet of hers gave him the vapors.

The door was a metaphor for their relationship, guys! Rose was always going to be able to go places that Jack couldn’t follow. They were trapped in two different worlds! Also doors have handles and Rose couldn’t have handled the judgment of society had she chosen him. Also doors are made of wood and while the sex was…

OMG, you are so right! I thought it was kate and then I thought it was ScarJo.

They must have gotten along pretty well because he invited her along to the recording studio where she met West, Diddy, French Montana, Kid Cudi and 2 Chainz. Guess that was the one time it was worth it to use Uber Pool.

He seems really nice and cool, but I haven’t been able to see Andre 3000 in the same way ever since I saw the “Outkast Reunion” sketch on Key & Peele. The part with the pinwheel just kills me.

I don’t mind Bernie. He sounds like my Queens-born father and looks like a Philosophy professor I had in undergrad. His problem is his ideas and proposals, while great, have zero chance of working with the Congress. Congress, which is a bag of dicks, would eat him for lunch. Clinton knows how to work the system in her…

I enjoy responding to dick pics with a picture of a scientist holding Rasputin’s penis in a glass jar of formaldehyde.

I am not a “weedhead” technically.... I am in semi-retirement because I have a job and kids and too much shit to do.... BUT I do partake when kids go to grandma’s and when they all move out and I retire from work I plan on reverting back to my bong-ripping youth. I will be a bong-ripping grandma.

Back when I was in junior high, the town theater group did Grease. I auditioned and got cast as an extra. At our first rehearsal, we learned that the director was being replaced (rumor was the original director caught her husband with another woman and needed time to deal with her marriage). The new director was a…

As a child, Grease was the greatest movie ever. But after all those viewings and ever since the Grease Megamix seemed as ubiquitous as the Macarena in 1996–97, I’ve decided Grease 2 is vastly superior even if its musically sexual intentions lacked subtext and leaned toward more the more hormonally blatant. Or maybe…

And honestly maybe the whole thing is a virgin suicide situation. Frenchie definitely ended things with a hair dryer in a bath tub after she failed out of beauty school. I mean that song is for sure her dying. Rizzo probably really was pregnant but didn’t have any access to a safe abortion option and died trying to…

Old people. It’s always the old people who like to corner you at parties and ask stupid questions, like “Where are you from?” “Oh, New Jersey.” “No, where are you from ethnically?” My word.