Yeah you wouldn’t be able to bring your horns.

I really like the idea of these services, but for less than $9 to $12 per meal I can get already prepared delicious Thai food delivered to my doorstep.

Casual gymnastics sounds awesome. ::::flops on couch...slowly rolls to floor without spilling my beer::::

My aunt and uncle are born again Christian, Fox news watching conservatives. They're personally very generous, especially with their time. They also tend to do all sorts of shady, scammy bullshit. In other words, they're very generous to the people they personally know (the "deserving") but outright con artists when…

We should throw over the ‘libtard government’ and arm ourselves to the teeth until we eventually just kill each other in a Freedom Fight™?

I heard to men on a radio show say Khloe and Kylie went to a “Build a Bitch” store and became the hottest bitches around.

Yeah, people from Florida and near Florida keep saying things like, “Everyone knows every body of fresh water, even a ditch, can have alligators in it! They should have known the danger!”

Prom at Office Depot

Prom at Office Depot

resembles cubism style painting

If this book comes out and Ivanka’s father is president, I hope she adds a chapter on how dodge President Trump’s Bring the Factory Jobs Back plan and continue to manufacture your products in Vietnam and Mexico.

Another good reason to never exercise.

It gets harder as they get older...they need you in different ways. I found it more psychologically challenging parenting tweens and teens (mine are grown and one is out of the house), and more physically exhausting parenting infants, babies and toddlers.

I will never be a Clinton fan and I voted for Bernie in the state primary. That said, Bernie,

My dad said something similar to me. Something like, “You know I’m not a violent man but I’d kill the bastard without a second thought.”

whenever I correct a certain male family member on something (usuallya topic relevant to my degrees/work) his response is “oh, you’re just being PC” so to borrow Kumail Nanjiani’s tweet I reply “not PC, just C.”

Sounds terrible. I also wonder what the actual long-term effects will be on kids who have been recorded since (and during) birth and have been in selfies/seen themselves on screen since they can remember!

I listened to a story on NPR today. They said at a zoo you do your emergency drills over and over and you know if it happens it will be worse than you imagined. These workers were the ones who drilled, who knew what the animal could do, etc. They did what they believed was best and they have the knowledge.

Eh, what’s she supposed to say? She’s by FAR his most well-liked female surrogate (I see that pollster is paying off already, I’m predicting Ivanka starts replacing dead-eyed Katrina Pierson more and more as time goes on), and the campaign is sending her out there to try to win women. She’s supposed to go rogue and be…

I felt the same way when he was still a candidate. I was like, well, we made it through several Bush terms already we can do it again if we have to ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

That sounds a lot like a minor blogger I check in on sometimes because she is unbelievably, almost comically self absorbed. She seems to resent her children because parenthood wasn’t what she expected and what you wrote sounds just like her. She thinks she’s the trailblazing woman who is willing to talk about…