“Welcome to New Miami: Good or bad, it’s nothing like the real Miami. Now with Meth.” 

When you sleep in Ohio, you’re sleeping in every state Ohio has ever been with.

Use a stool, or ottoman. Put your hands on one of those, keep your back straight and go for it. Anything high enough up that you can put your feet on as well (with your hands now on the ground) should help you keep your stomach off the ground.

It just doesn’t seem right to complain about something so minuscule in a game that, for all intents and purposes, didn’t look like it was ever going to happen.

...Why do they have two heads...

Mama said knock her out...

America.

I’m holding auditions for anyone interested in joining my alt-rock-apocalyptic-psychedelic band Rageholic Meth Boar...

The worst are the people who still go “www”...

My hand just turned me down.

A following of cats (Axe, Tag, Tag, Axe...):

If it makes you feel any better, he was probably one of those people who died alone in their apartment and nobody knew for 8 whole years, and when they found him, someone was like, “hey, check out these sweet Pokemon cards!”

I was getting more of a Nellie Oleson from Little House on the Prairie.

No. People do not signal. Sorry. Nope. Wrong. Fake news.

Thanks for this fresh new perspective. I too am in my 30s. It makes me feel a lot better about when I tell people “I gotta go, I got some pussy waiting for me back home” and omit the part about her needing me to dump the cold turkey giblets and gravy into a bowl for her...

She also fails at illustrating any sports. Who cares??

...because that’s how you get Luke Cage.

Yeah, I’m sick and tired of all these Deadpool movies not having any black people in them.