Ben Affleck's scripts will always be subservient to one Matt or another.

Innaccurrate!

That's pretty insulting to Richard Spencer. He actually bothered to audition.

Almost by definition, conservatives are more likely to fall in line than liberals. And whatever shame existed didn't last long, at least on a broad scale. There was like one week after the pussy-grabbing tape where a few prominent republicans got outraged because they remembered they have white daughters.

But as I gestured to help them arrange the broadsheet on the floor and offered to relax their bladder by soothingly expounding upon the ingenious early sewers of the Minoans, suddenly their face froze, and I could tell from their primitive grunting that, to my surprise, they were actually trying to read it.

Stephen Miller has a portrait of himself as an album-sized black square, courtesy of Nigel Tufnel.

Watch out, Irish! They're Irish!

It surely didn't help matters when Billie Joe Armstrong uncharacteristically started the set with an enthusiastic "Are you ready to LAUGH?!?!?!"

People here are really eager to show that they don't listen to a band designed for teenage girls. Although in the case of Harry Styles it's kind of interesting, since his recent solo album has been described by both fans and detractors as "dad rock."

I've been tryin' to spice up my romantic life with the wife recently. The other day I says to her, "honey, we should go on a cruise!" She says, "I know! I just got us tickets!" Then she showed me the tickets. "Honey," I says, "these are for different locations!"

Readers of Townhall Magazine

Don't play coy with me, Shaggy

"Hah hah, I uh, boy this is embarrassing. I thought we were sending money on behalf of our men and women in uniform. Turns out it was cuneiform. Silly mixup, happens all the time in this business."

… Yes, this is entirely consistent with my second sentence.

Much like The Simpsons, I'd say their "classic" era roughly coincided with seasons 3-8. Unlike The Simpsons, they've maintained a remarkable level of quality since then - some classics, some duds, but usually at least good for a few laughs.

1) Always, always the Supreme Court (or at least since 1980)
2) He's promised to roll back the Johnson Amendment, which prevents churches from endorsing political candidates while maintaining their tax-exempt status, something the Christian right has been harping about for decades
3) Pence is probably the closest thing…

He likes his ladies to pop

Anyway, how's your sex life?

I actually love that montage. It's incredibly silly, and it's a perfect representation of what a fundamentally harmless nerd like Peter Parker thinks it means to be a badass.

And why doesn't Spiderman dance anymore?