♫ She eyes me like a pizza when I am weak
I've been locked inside your heart-shaped pizza box for weeks
I've been drawn into your meat lovers' pie trap
I wish I could eat your leftovers when they turn bad ♫

Isn't the manager being a dick about it integral to the whole process? If I wanted a fast food establishment to respect my godly traditional marriage I'd go to Chic-Fil-A, thank you very much.

Our only hope at this point is to fight orange-haired TV personalities with orange-haired TV personalities.

There's a particular kind of cleaner one often uses for jewelry.

"Logan Everett." When you're looking to make a culturally-relevant, youthful character, be sure to name him after a shitty airport and shittier town in the greater Boston area.

Well if you're the kind of hoity-toity jerk who flies out of John Wayne Airport instead of LAX like a decent SoCal scumbag, you deserve to have the living shit scared out of you, unknowingly by an iconic actor.

Santana knows a little something about hauling in Grammys, what with "Smooth" sweeping the ceremony 13 years in a row.

Sadly, he does so by adding to his score.

Also, taking orders from the Grim Reaper is nothing to get upset about. We all struggle with Death, buddy!

As a clairvoyant myself I'm deeply offended at the idea that predicting obvious SNL jokes characterizes my noble profession.

♫ I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend
You could capsize in all the lies that you've been livin' in
And if you do not want to hear Drake again
I would understaaaaa
eeeeaaaaaaa
eeeeaaaaaaand ♫

The ACLU (Archie Cinematic Love Universe) is more important than ever.

In conclusion, Moby is an AV Club commenter.

Probably because your heart sucks, which is why you hate Valentine's Day.

Ah, the ol' "going crazy in Switzerland" trope.

It's not nearly as obviously racist as before and it touts itself as a progressive haven, which in many ways it is. At the same time, it's extremely segregated:

It took a solid week to replace that small, immobile rectangle for a few seconds. They had their best animators on it and it was STILL a terrible strain on their wrists.

While this is a worthy target, I'm assuming the vast majority of modern bookstore employees already spend their shifts tweeting entire books to public figures to pass the time.

Also came here to make a McPoyles joke. I guess we'll have to declare an uneasy truce.

Fitting they release a song called "Shining" at the end of a weekend when everyone in the northeast is at Jack-Nicholson-going-through-the-maze levels of crazy.