No, going to a Rush concert will make you look uncool. ;)

Hey Bill, let’s check out the noise reported on the Z and pickup some tacos.

GIVE ME THE BABYSITTER’S CLUB OR GIVE ME DEATH!

Why isn’t she wearing yoga pants like every other mom who takes their kid to the park?

When I was in between jobs, I spent the entire time in yoga leggings. By the time I went in to my new job, I was horrified. #neveragain

DON’T!!! They grow with you and you won’t ever know it until you put on a pair of normal pants and then it’s TOO LATE

God, that is such a waste of a name. Guys like that should all be named Kyle, so you know to stay away.

Cyclists and cops - two groups that often think they are above the law and are loved only by their own kind.

My favorite is still the “Mini Cooper Money Shot” we had when a customer who couldn’t get his Mini to start so he kept adding oil. Eventually it was towed in when he could no longer crank it. It had over 15 quarts of oil, so much oil when we tried to manually turn the motor, it was locked by oil and could not make a…

INB4 “WTF is on the roof of that cop car?”

What about bisexuals? Will they only be responsible for half of their total legal fees?

I encountered a Victoria’s Secret heist once. I was a manager at the American Eagle down the hall and on my lunch break. Three individuals loaded up on bras and walked out of the store with the alarm going off because they were fresh out of fucks that day. The manager chased after them and the one man in the group…

No buttercream, no peace.

I wish I’d known this information when I when to a BHPH lot back in 2011 to get a car.

That’s amaaazing! You should’ve kept it on there. “Is that a snake on the cake?” “Oh, no, it’s a decorative fondant swag. It’s a design element” “It’s....it’s eating the cake topper”

That is straight up bullshit. We decided to buy the BMs and pick up the rental fees for the GMs in our wedding. Fuck your friend. She ain't much of one.

well aren’t you just a peach.

Nailed it for my 5 year old son!