Back when I was working retail a probably-90-but-doesn't-look-a-day-over-125-year-old Eastern European woman came into my store and singled me out of all 6 employees to talk to. She told me that she could tell that I was a nice girl so she had to let me know that someone had put a curse on me. A fucking curse. I…

I will only be referring to my period as a Blood Moon from here on out, thank you.

While at Walt Disney World, at dinner we were seated next to a family. Our tables were relatively close, and the the father unfortunately made eye contact with me and asked me if I was a christian. My friend who I was there with immediately rolled her eyes and not wanting to be rude I responded that I was Lutheran.…

Someone once shoved a cd-rom in my hand at a rest stop claiming it showed a battle between Jesus and devil on the computer. I was afraid I would get a computer virus from touching it, let alone putting into my laptop.

I once met a dude from Boston at a music festival who, after sharing a joint with me and my friends and learning we were from Canada, said "Canadian girls are the tits!"

Yes we are, friend. Yes we are.

Ya mean like the customers that confuse the dressing room with a bathroom stall? Yeah, those people are AWESOME.

This guy fits into the same category as people who snap their fingers to try to get the server's attention; just, fuck you, guy. I mean, goddamn.

you're never supposed to keep condoms in your wallet! it damages the and makes them more likely to break.

I used to work in a Borders book store. Apparently there was a concerted effort by a number of local churches to convert the staff at bookstores, figuring we would then recommend christian literature to our customers and convert them. It was incredibly easy to spot these types because they would always bring the…

Let's all take a moment to appreciate Oklahoma's method of crowd control: half-heartedly rolling a bicycle at people.

Aw we are the same! My sister is my only bridesmaid! Boy is it hard to tell that to wedding people though, like when we got her dress and they were insanely shocked when they asked how many dresses we'd need i said "just 1".

To think I loved you, Janeway. TO THINK I LOVED YOU!

This is basically what I did. I had my sister and my BFF.

Ugh. How tacky can you get? "Why didn't you fork out enough money to invite me to your special day that is all about you and not at all about me or my feelings?" Who does that?

That's not at all what I'm suggesting. I'm saying that it's better to say no than say yes and be resentful about having said yes. And I do think that brides should recognize that it's expensive and a big time commitment, and not everyone is at the point in their lives where it's possible, and if a bridesmaid says no…

But if you're not invited to the wedding, examine the situation before taking it super personally. A really good friend/co-worker of mine had to cut the list very short because of how huge his and his then-fiance's family is. He wanted to invite a bunch of people from work but could only invite four, due to costs.…

He's like the Emeril of headshots...