Thank you, Plies.

She was just trying to scare people away from the White House by making them believe it was haunted by a hideous orange goblin, so she could dig for the Civil War gold hidden beneath it.

Well that’s where the eminent domain lawyers come in.

I grew up on the border. I remember when the Bush administration put up the fence all those years ago. I would pass by it literally every day until I moved away. I see it every time I go home. I hate that fence. I hate it so much. The idea of a border wall is infuriating to me. It creates in me an anger like little…

“We at the network want a hobbit with attitude. He’s edgy. He’s in your face. You’ve heard the expression ‘Let’s get busy,’ well this hobbit gets bizz-ay.”

Excuse me, but “water” and “paradigm”? Aren’t these just buzzwords that dumb people use to sound smart?

Water is ripe for a totally outrageous new paradigm!

I hope these games point the way forward to others looking to make large-scale open-world games. I’ve loved Super Mario Odyssey and Breath of the Wild so much (BotW easily ascended the ranks to become the most genuinely enjoyable game I’ve ever played, narrowly edging the previous champion - Super Mario World)! I had…

I would generally avoid the subject of “building up chemistry” with anyone who had such easy access to Polonium-210. 

That’s the perfect stinger ending for a twilight zone episode. Moron votes for moron, world destroyed, Burgess Meredith looks forlornly at the sky while his complaints about her emails echo into the wastes.

Yes, but EMAILS!*

Nobody over the age of 30 should be bitching about their “haters”... it’s just sad. Especially when it’s the goddamn president of the United States.

Trump is in Vietnam? I guess the bone spurs cleared up from whichever foot they were totally in (he can’t remember [even though he has one of the all-time great memories *holy shit is this really life, please someone wake me up*])

“(Obama) had zero chemistry with Putin.” I think that may be more revealing of his own relationship with Putin than he intended.

South Park also said that “both sides are equally bad” last year, so them spending an entire episode making fun of George Clooney (who was in the movie for crying out loud) speaks to their self-rightousness rather than their wit. And I’m not even a South Park hater!

Thank you. The fucking comments on the Louis CK story have been awful for so long because of those people.

They also owe Tig Notaro an apology for calling her “ungrateful” and shit for daring to speak out about this.

So, all the bros who spent the last few months screaming at Katie Rife for daring to talk about this and INSISTING THAT THERE WAS NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT until some accusers came forward and until then this was just a plot by mean ol’ Jezebel and AV Club to smear poor Louie...

Listen, I’m cooperating here.

“It’s MY DEAL!”