Here's my translation:

Two things that are almost relevant, if we're in a free-association universe: 1) I shook Barack's hand when he was in Iowa. It was soft, fragrant, and he has slender, feminine fingers. 2) I want really want turkey right now.

Interestingly, about half of the employees at the Forever 21 I used to go to were East African Muslims.

@meaghan2k: Really? Hi-Life? Busch? Gross. When I was a broke college student a couple years ago, I was all over PBR. Moosehead or Labatt's if I was feeling fancy. If I needed to lose weight, it was a bottle of cheap red wine a night. God, I'm classy.

@BiscuitDoughJones: Do all your Japanese friends study abroad? Because that would explain why they can speak English near-flawlessly. The average educated Japanese person can't speak a lick of English. And mannerisms are tied to culture. Even my mannerisms have changed from living here. I've mentioned it before,…

Haha. Cunt-lapping. This is funny, but I don't think it's real. I'm pretty sure the girl isn't Japanese. Her English is seems way too good, plus her mannerisms are really forthright. If she were actually a Japanese prostitute, she would be squealing a lot and probably teaching, "Ow, that hurts" and "You're too…

Wow, maybe I'm not paying enough attention but I've never heard anyone around where I live mention Masako. The recession, sure, but the royal family stuff I get from here and BBC. I guess I don't watch TV very much, though. Anyway, I can guarantee that Masako's life sucks. There's a ceremony for everything, and…

@bess marvin, girl detective: If they grew up in Brazil, they're Brazilian. Last I heard, Brazil is the most ethnically diverse country in the world, home to those of Spanish, Indigenous, African, Asian, and European descent, and a lot of them have mixed. Actually, I think Sao Paulo has the biggest ethnic Japanese…

Damn being in a different time zone and reading everything late! I have vulvodynia, or more specifically, vulvar vestibulitis. It's hard to talk about. I had great, painless sex for about a year, but around when I started taking birth control pills, I got a series of infections, and eventually, inexplicable pain. …

I have to object to the tampon thing. I don't think people should be trying to put penises in there if they can't handle a tampon. I'm a big supporter of a lot of personal experimentation before you send a guy that way. I think it's better to already know your vadge pretty well and what you like and don't like. …

That Mitt sure is livin' la vida loca!

I can't believe the Moldy Peaches are getting this kind of attention, especially so long after their album. They're barely even a real band! Sure, they're fun sometimes, but they're not geniuses and you shouldn't take them seriously. It's insane seeing them on The View. Personally, I think "Steak for Chicken" is…

I just realized that I posted on this thread criticizing generalizations about middle America, but I never revealed anything about myself, which is bad form. I've never had an abortion, but I've taken the morning after pill a truly embarrassing number of times. After having to find a clinic twice in rural JAPAN…

@bananaballs:

I CAUCUSED! There were 270 people in a little farmy 45 person capacity town hall. It was crowded as fuck, an old lady for Hillary fainted, and there was a really cute cat wandering around. Obama took it by a landslide. My corner was definitely the youngest, and actually the nicest. The Edwards and Clinton people…

I'M IN IOWA!!! I'm so excited to caucus! I came back from Japan just to participate in the democratic process... and, you know, the holidays. I've used up my Christmas and birthday presents on my undecided family members caucusing for Obama. Though that underage babysitter does sound tempting.

Hey, how can I see this documentary?

I've taken provigil, and it's not that cool. It's not even supposed to be that cool. My mom and sister both take it in their large cocktail of daily prescription meds for depression/anxiety/adhd/sleep disorders and whatever other problems they have. They both take it because they can't stay awake during the day if…

Of course the guy is a douchebag who is out of touch with reality, but I have to play the devil's advocate here. They'd been friends for eight years, just picked things up recently with a long distance relationship—obviously, this guy thought he and Caroline were just fuck buddies. This is not an e-mail informing a…

I have a pair of spanx I've worn twice for specific occasions, and I definitely thought about how there'd be no boning possible. However, (and I know it's so eight years ago) I've always thought the same about thongs, and I do not get the girls who wear them all the time. I used to wear thongs for outfits that…