Just a thought: If you’re writing an article about about how one brand is alleging that another brand is copying their style, packaging, etc., it might be a cool idea to have a picture of them.

This is easy. Whichever one is more butch. My first thought is that they should fill out a personality profile, kind of like on e-Harmony, but with less creepy old man. Then I thought that that might be a cumbersome process. How about whoever has the shortest fingernails? In the case of a tie, the man seated nearest…

One time I was driving in SF and somebody dumped their chicken bones out the window of the 22 Divisadero onto the hood of my car.

Here’s a fun story: I had hepatitis C for about 25 years, and during that time I couldn’t be an organ donor. (Nobody wants your shitty organs if they’re filled with diseases.) This past year I went through treatment and have remained Hep-C free, so when I renewed my license I got to recheck the “donor” box. I wept at…

Could 100% get it.

Same. Also, looking at her trashy house and muttering, “Ugh, fucking tweakers...”

Um, she’s not really his type.

Please. I throw up on myself all the fucking time and nobody’s throwing ME a parade.

Janky as fuck.

Yes! Signing off on this. People point to the cost as prohibitive, but 8 weeks of Harvoni (most common course of treatment) is less expensive than 48 weeks of pegylated interferon. Don’t even get me started on the cost of a liver transplant. Or side effects.

I was so excited about that one, but fuck did they cop-out. That shit was WEAK.

Wash it in the sink with Dawn. Srsly.

Does your cat put on his mouse suit and dance around the basement to “Goodbye Horses” by Q Lazarus?

I can breathe through my nose, thank you very much. It’s called “multitasking.” So, mostly just sustenance. And liquor.

As a person who spent the majority of this past weekend in a threeway, (thank you,) I’m willing to advocate putting Dr. Ruth out on an ice-floe.

Nope. Anybody who is a good person “in spite of the way they treat you” is not actually a good person.

In fairness, all of her boyfriends were awful. As was she.

FUCKING RITA! I actually stopped watching during season four and my husband asked me a couple months later if I was ever going to finish it. I was all “Nope.” And he was like, “Are you sure?” And I go, “Yes, 100%.” Then he told me, “Rita gets murdered.” And I was like, “GOOOOOOD!”

I get rocket-shits from Chipotle even without e.coli. Add e.coli and I’m pretty sure I’d crap myself inside out. The thing I don’t get though, (aside from why people like it, but maybe that’s because I live in SF, so I have the best burrito options in the world,) is how this happens to me. I eat burritos every day.…