How corny.

You can have my corn handles when you pry them out of my buttery, dead hands!

I’ll use as many exclamation points as I damn well please!!!!!!!!!!11111one

Unvaccinated status

Under 12: maybe reconsider dating until you’re actually old enough

As a man who is aware of sexism, I see this a lot. It’s kinda rooted in our culture. I do what I can to alter the course of this ship, but it’s a big ship and I’m just one fella. But know that I believe you and your struggle is legit.

Reading in bed isn’t much better than checking soshmeedz in bed: you’re still subconsciously associating your bed with something that isn’t sex or sleep. The name Pavlov ring a bell?

Reading in bed isn’t much better than checking soshmeedz in bed: you’re still subconsciously associating your bed…

Sounds like a low-sodium way to make mushroom ketchup!

Is it the texture? It was the texture for my sister and me. We got over it. We still think brussels sprouts are Satan’s bon bons, though.

Rubbing alcohol? Nah, you gotta get electronic contact cleaner. Stick the nozzle under the stick’s skirt, give the four basic directions a squirt, and rotate the stick a few times.

“Post-pandemic?” This makes two assumptions: 1. That the pandemic is effectively over (the intentionally unvaccinated are all but guaranteed to give rise to a variant that requires a different vaccine). 2. That I was cool with crowds before 2020 (bahahahahaha).

Crap. I ate the last of my fried chicken last night.

Whatever you do, don’t force it. A kid who is forced to go to therapy will get no benefit because they’re not emotionally invested in it. They’ll just show up for the appointment, give resentful answers to questions, refuse to go deeper, and bolt the moment the time is up.

Alton Brown once hooked up a hair dryer to the intake vent of his charcoal grill (there was also a length of tailpipe because most hair dryers have plastic shells so you don’t want them too close to the fire). Sure, it got the grill rippin’ hot, but it’s a really good way to burn the house down.

All this ooga booga about kids and screens reminds me of that 18th century “reading mania” moral panic. That and my mom’s false belief that TV literally rotted a child’s mind (I was limited to two hours per WEEK... funny how that went away when my little sisters suddenly wanted to watch prime time shows).

*looks at jar of homemade pickles in fridge*

I find that half a packet of gelatin powder per package (1.3lbs, which nets me 5 patties) of ground turkey helps keep moisture trapped in the meat. I mean, if you’re gonna be mixing in external fat anyway, it’s not much of an extra step.

I had my cat trained to high five.

I measured my pinch. It’s 1/2 tsp of Morton kosher salt (very coarse). I don’t pinch anything else.