When I’m using “as per my last mail,” I am being restrained. What I actually WANT to say is “We have already settled this matter, you fool!”

ThinkGeek had the best April Fool’s Day pranks. They’d fake up a bunch of “new” products... AND THEN THEY’D MAKE THE MOST POPULAR ONE INTO AN ACTUAL PRODUCT!

I miss them. I can no longer get a Bag of Holding.

Take a train if you can. Less security theater, more space, the food tastes better because you’re not in a pressurized tin can, and you can see lovely views that can’t be seen from two miles in the air.

How high was the person who invented this?

Pizza is like sex: you need to rethink your life decisions if you’re having it at Domino’s.

I specifically got an oil mister for this.

I once heard of someone getting a copyright strike of a video of them playing a song that’s been in the public domain for over a century... just because some talentless musician had made a crappy downtempo version of it, so YT assumed the recording company owned it.

Wasn’t even the whole song, just the piano bit. To…

90% of your restaurant problems are caused by the kitchen, not the server.

People didn’t know this? Just wait until I tell them how to get over 100 lives with a Koopa Troopa on a staircase!

https://www.fark.com/comments/12681801/Headline-of-Year-2022-final-voting-for-Food   You’re in the running for Fark’s Food Headline of the year (second entry from bottom of page).

Lunchables that went to Harvard.

Yeah, but if you cuss at the blocks, it bricks itself for a month due to “bullying.” 🙃

Yeah, but if you cuss at the blocks, it bricks itself for a month due to “bullying.” 🙃

When you get one of those left-handed people who is SO INSANELY PROUD to be a southpaw that they initiate all handshakes lefthanded to temporarily force lefthandedness on you.

In the neighborhood I grew up in, there was a dental hygienist who would give out toothbrushes. Kids learned to not go there... except she was my mom’s best friend. I was REQUIRED to go there. She’d call to make sure I had.

I started playing scary games. Since my nightmares come from facing REAL monsters with no way to defend myself, scary games allow me to reprocess that in a manner that gives me SOME control over the situation.

Our Thanksgivings have been potluck for years. I show up at my parents house the night before with rolls that can be reheated (I got a new recipe to play with where I can pre-bake them, FREEZE THEM, and then re-bake from frozen... so that’ll be even more convenient).

Anyhoo, birb goes into a brine Wed night. Thur…

Here’s a few tips inspired by my own teen years:
1. Don’t believe that you are entitled to know every detail of your teen’s life. If they’re flirting with someone at school, not giving you a play-by-play every night at supper doesn’t mean they’re “living a double life.” Also on this note, make sure your teenage son…

I played the AtC game the FIRST time when it was called Ghostbusters: Sanctum of Slime.

Really, they just reskinned SoS, gave it new levels, horrible writing, and voice actors they clearly recruited off the street.