That is freaking horrifying. I'm so sorry you went through that :(

I wondered for a moment who would have written such vitriol. Then I thought, must be Pinkeye. Yeup. It was him.

I’LL SAY IT. The bags are ugly. Bye.

This exact same thing happened to my ex husband, I’m sure of it! Shortly after we were married, he began excessively playing video games while smoking ALOT of weed, ate a steady diet of corn dogs and Velveeta mac and cheese, and had to be told at least 4 times to take out the trash and pick his underwear off the…

Man. Sometimes I think it would be easier to make it in Hollywood, and then get a book deal, then just trying to land the book deal in the first place.

My 15 year old self would probably feel right at home, what with the early 90s style clothes (and records!) in the stores, a Clinton running for prez, a new Anne Rice vampire book and The Cure still around. Oh damn, it IS 1992, isn’t?

this is very hurtful, emma, please stop sex-robot shaming me.

Don’t hurt me, but I find her extremely irritating. I’ve liked her in the films of hers I’ve seen, but outside of that she seems like someone who is trying so hard not to seem like they’re trying. She always seems very impressed with herself and it grates on my nerves a bit.

I just can’t stop thinking of this:

Why are people so touchy about kid pictures?? Unless your kid is naked or making some sort of gross bodily emission, can't most people just handle scrolling on past to more important updates, like complaining about traffic or pictures of brunch?

Dear Farrah,

their clothes are also too small for me and since I’m having a hard enough time getting in shape, I’m just gonna have to ask that they start designing their clothes in a way that much better accommodates my...softness

From here on out I’m saying “Keep that pussy tight while I’m gone” instead of goodbye. Thank you, Anthony Kiedis.

Did Simon do most of the work in the orgy, too?

My girlfriend and I saw a Beachboys concert when we were sixteen. Yes, dinosaurs still roamed the earth. Anyways, after the concert, she found out what motel they were in and we drove there. Other girls were already rushing the stairs when we pulled up. We started running up the stairs and I peed my pants. I mean I…

I have to imagine that sex with David Byrne is utter performance art. Like, giant puppets and beds that fly apart and become a city skyline while taiko drummers perform in the next room.

I went out with Conor Oberst a couple of times. The sex was meh, but I broke it off when he came over to my parents’ house for dinner and pretended like he didn’t know what a potato was. It was obvious to everyone that it was just a shitty joke that he refused to abandon, and my dad eventually kicked him out. I mean,…