Grab a dictionary while you’re at it bro.

God yes. More Cowboys trash fire, please. It...it sustains me.

I love Dez now that he’s burning down the whole Cowboys organization

That’s an awful lot of words over a fucking baseball player getting booed. Get a grip. 

Me yesterday: SWEET, training camp just opened!

It’s not even August and I already wish the NFL would go the fuck away.

6'0". Tall enough to see where I’m going and reach things, but not weird tall. People taller than me I’m like “Really? I think that’s a bit much. What’re ya doin’ up there?”

I almost want to punch this guy. I read this the way shitbirds fans must read Magary’s articles

hes the replacement for world class shithead john lackey

Only like the 7th weirdest comment in this whole piece.

Actjons Spjeak Loudjer than Wjords.

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a sports columnist; but I repeat myself.

Safer still would be to skip the games altogether, also known as the Marlins Maneuver.

Ever since the first Assassin’s Creed Ubisoft-published games have had some of the best animation in the business.

She must be one of those crazy, over-emotional women who just really don’t like child molesters. 

I’m going to need more than the defense’s claim that Nassar was assaulted in prison. Maybe he was just receiving unorthodox physical therapy.

Mariners Cubs on Sunday Night Baseball in 2016! Cubs overcame a 6 or 7 run deficit thanks to Brian Matusz and won on a walkoff Jon Lester bunt. Fun game.

The Rays are a galaxy brain meme come to life.

You are describing the plot of You’ve Got Mail.

I’d wear a shirt with Cher’s new catchphrase “Keep Your Eyes Open Bitch” emblazoned across my chest.