Haha. You are kinda hilarious. You remind me of a few of my LA friends who write for sitcoms. Very pithy!

Hope is poison.

It never, ever ends!

“See?” - Chip Kelly

Cris Carter: You like to get wet?

“I’m embarrassed to even tell you how many times I tried.’’

He probably knows who his daughter is though.

Browns.

The worst part of this for the players was probably having to follow a grown man named chip

Hey, we’ve been to, and lost, the same number of World Series over the last 30 years!

Winning is also anathema to Mark Shapiro’s way of doing business.

“If they make mistakes, you know, it’s not like they’re professionals. They’re just amateurs. Kids, really. Young, young boys. So young, these boys. Anyway, what were we talking about?”

Instead of an elaborate scheme to plant racist audio, they could just cut off his hair.

I listen to sports talk radio here, in Cleveland, because I hate myself and my brain deserves to be punished. Anyhow, paying attention to the sports media in this city is like being drunk on bad rum while standing on the deck of an old wooden boat in a storm. The equilibrium swings so wildly from side to side, from…

After that impact with the wall, he’ll be on the DL for the next 18 seasons, after which he will be the opening day centerfielder for the Phillies.

how is it stupid for either one? Kevin gets $110 million guaranteed (sure, he might’ve made more if he signed 3 years with an opt out, but he might’ve made less if he got injured), and the Cavs get a star player they never could’ve replaced otherwise because of their cap situation. If it really becomes a problem for…

“ESPN sources tell @WindhorstESPN & I...”

Guarantee that Rousey double shank legs Coerria right off of a rear choke helix. If Coerria lasts through all of that, I’d be surprised if Rousey doesn’t immediately force a Janckman’s Plexus on her and shatter her buttonhook. Coerria’s only shot is a quick, accurate Miranda’s Reversal into a hog-nosed bat tap. Once…

Luhnow added, “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to take a trip back home to see my Mom, Elizabeth Luhnow (nee Miller). Would you believe she still lives on the same street where I grew up? Elm Street hasn’t changed a bit. Even my childhood best friend James Smith and my high school sweetheart Jane Johnson still live…

Those cameras are going to look pretty good on another team in a couple of years.