Shoosh. You had me at ‘secret basement’. [bats eyes alluringly] 

Hmmm. Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Well, you are terrifying, but, yes, I do want some candy.

That pass had fucking hang time. beautiful.

The moron was out there trying to pat his old players on the head. Like, good boy [pat pat]. Fuck that bullshit. No one likes to be condescended on, let alone by the fucking failure you’ve been dunking on all day long.

I saw the worst Hue of coaching in Cinncinnati yesterday.

Batman dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight.  

She makes him rename all the Night’s Watchmen “dirty birdies”.

If you’re going to quote Maher properly, you need to get yourself a big ol’ satisfying sniff of your own fart first. And don’t forget to pause for the nonexistent laughter after each of your lazy and obvious jokes.

BUCKEYE BUTTFUMBLE! BUCKEYE BUTTFUMBLE! BUCKEYE BUTTFUMBLE!

hooray!

He just needs the right assistant.

I would rather be talking about the Buckeye Butt Fumble that I can’t find video of.

You never heard of Chubbacca?

I’m able to leave food out for mine, as she maintains her own weight. Just one of the many reasons she also has a personal VIP Entrance.

I don’t know what’s happening in that header picture, but it doesn’t look consensual.  Bad Luke!

Hopefully it’s a Groundhog Day parody. 

Pfft. If you really want to defile the ground you need a bucket of urine and a freshly dead chicken head. Plus you get to keep the rest of the chicken! That’s 2 days food and 3/4s of a really snazzy dreamcatcher.

“I knew.”

I’ll take “worst possible hairstyle for this job” for 600 Alex.