Jimmy Clausum 41

"Ere I waited seemingly a fortnight for myne Stuffed Crust Pizza to come 'hither. Myne server was verily NOT of good stock. Thy should be wary, forsooth! Yon, we shan't return."

This is not him being a distraction. This is ESPN making him seem like a distraction in the way that only ESPN can (which is the worst way possible). Kindly shut the fuck up.

The vomit wasn't even the issue here. Gary Bettman just didn't want another clown to be so closely associated with the Stanley Cup.

gotta love that last line of the Underground Railroad Museum review "... Go to the zoo instead."

You know who else loved a boys and girls club? Jeffery Dahmer.

As a life long Seahawks fan living in Seattle, let me just say fuck that whole 12th man thing. I cringe anytime someone refers to our fans as "Twelves". God damn are we a self-congratulatory fan base. We are the Kanye West of football. We are good but somehow always feel like the victim of some grand conspiracy to…

So not one fellow Seahawks fan in this list brought up the Brian Russell Era? Or did everyone just choose to erase it from their memories?

Who knew that one day, Nerve Tonic Ken Griffey Jr would go on to become Shelden Williams?

You're SUPPOSED to give the ball to a kid. Whatchoo want, a cookie??

Announcer: Well that was a nice thing of Chris Rock to do, giving the ball to a little kid. That's something black people do, whereas ni- (cut mic, cue commercial break)

The Worldwide Bleeder

Looks slick, but hollow. A camera-friendly surface with absolutely nothing behind it. Oh wait, that's Dan Patrick.

Hydrox sounds like a dishwashing soap from the 1930s.

That photo of Gregg Williams looks like Gregg Williams took a screenshot of his Wii Mii, took it to his stylist/barber/whateverthefuck and said "Make me look like THIS."

Nah- hurts too much when you pull it out. Index finger is much better for nose picking.

They're still in negotiations with Papa John.

Come on ESPN, we knew EXACTLY what was coming up next on SportsCenter.

Not only were her headlights off but she was driving 'tween the lanes!

(1) That's Tony Stewart