This apology is like olive oil—I’m not buying it because I don’t understand what first cold press means and also why does it cost so much and how can there be a difference between Italian and Greek olive oil if it is solely made from the extract of olives? And another thing, if you get olive oil on your shirt? You…

I don't keep up with soccer - when did they switch to sudden death game-ending shootouts?

So... it was a cloth table?

Congratulations! You wasted even more time complaining about your wasted time. Keep on making great choices, you winner you.

I hope they send him a new thermos.

Calm down there, Satan.

According to how I play Call of Duty, they didn’t throw enough grenades.

He named her Iman Jr because she tore up the pussy just like daddy.

First Kyle transfers. Then Kyler is considering transferring. If Kylest goes, it’ll be really bad.

Columnist deeply concerned that a black woman gives him an erection.

Nope. We’ve seen peak basketball, but we let it die in the 90s because of backwards ideas like Pop’s.

“Alcoholism is a disease. But it’s the only one you can get yelled at for having. Dammit Otto, you are an alcoholic! Dammit Otto, you have Lupus! One of those two doesn’t sound right.”

Airing of grievances? Is it Festivus already?

Troll Tide!

Advance note: Not a lawyer here, so I fully accept that my take might not be perfect from that perspective.-

I mean, are we even sure McCown got hurt last night? That video could be old.

A young Vince Carter would have just dunked it from there.

You’re just being ignorant, Samer. I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to pour one out for your fallen homies.