Upon arriving home after another long workday, the player sits on his couch and turns on the TV. He sees a story about a team with a new collection of well-complementing talent, and analysts discuss their playoff future. He sighs to himself and lowers his head to his chest, thinking. His wife storms into the room,…

"YOU WILL ANSWER MY QUESTION NOW OR SO HELP ME I WILL RUIN YOU! A FOOTBALL PLAYER IS NOTHING WITHOUT THE MEDIA AND OUR QUESTIONS!"

If the NFL wants well-educated (3 years of college at a minimum, pseudo-IQ test at combine, etc.) people with excellent communication skills to be required to be a football player, why doesn't it ask the same thing of its commissioner?

The knife he used to kill the goat when he pledged his soul to Satan in exchange for NFL glory.

Big deal. Sixers fans pay $80 every night to have 12 guys fuck them in the ass while dressed as professional basketball players

After "oh yeah," the undercover officer gave the signal for the arrest team to move in and arrest Anthony.

Always trying to preservative his brands.

Looks like his credibility is Shattered like Glass.

All of this could have been avoided had his caddie suggested a different club.

No, "we get what we incentivize" puts blame on readers, who should not be blamed at all.

I think the bear was just waiting for the camera to turn off.

Both can be true

Duh, Barry. If the Pats are cheating of course they are going to win.

Ergo, Tom Brady does not have big balls.

Figures he would talk about something he knows nothing about.

M-E-T-S! METS! METS! METS!

Scott Hall makes doing "suck it" look like he's on the verge of a heart attack

Max Scherzer's Agent: [tosses out somewhat misleading contract figures]