He’s the human embodiment of a hotdog-eating contest.

Go stand in the corner and think about how wrong you are. 

This is the best thing I’ve ever read.

Oh, so you’re just an edgelord.

lol

*pointedly says nothing*

Beer bread, too.

That's a pretty bold assertion. 

Magary is the sort who secretly sprinkles kosher salt on a bbq master’s brisket because he somehow thinks it tastes different than regular salt.

Salt. 

I'm already an asshole, no need for me to make pastrami. 

I don't think you understand how alcohol works.

I have a stock ‘79 4x4 in mint condition and low miles that’s worth about half what his is.

Just to be clear, that lol was to indicate that your assertion that the rest of America isn’t equally racist is laughable. 

lol

It’s overpriced and probably rusty.

You start at the top and work down, just like showering. 

*pat*

“They’re cute.”

I think you've lost the thread of this conversation.