In college I worked security at Mr. Rogers’ apartment building. Fred did not do autographs, but other than that he and his wife were absolutely the nicest and most down-to-earth people that lived in the building. Everyone else there was old money and drove a Rolls...Fred drove a Honda. When I worked the overnight…

This is why I can’t stand Jezebel sometimes.

His brain is likely in mint condition... Seeing as he uses it so infrequently.

I think our next behind closed ovens should feature commenters not getting super obvious jokes.

They’re not nearly as bad as the people who tell you they’re ready and then make you stand there while they read the menu. Those fucking people, man.

I hope these people were invited...

I don’t know if he’s that smart, though, I think people just have very low expectations on him. I saw him on Leno or Letterman or whatever back in the days, and I sort of expected him to mumble brief platitudes and be the stereotypical junkie diva. Instead he gave coherent answers that seemed to be his original ideas…

I honestly don’t think he IS. Whenever he speaks, he sounds like me when I was 13 and rilly rilly into Nietzsche and Anton Le Vey and self-congratulation about how much smarter I was than all the sheep, only he’s usually higher than I was.

What’s bullshit is Pitchfork and their cooler-than-thou brand of know-it-all douchery.

He’s only ten years Madonna’s junior, so... wayyyyyy too old for her.

Kids should be required to at least try anything before they reject it because “it looks funny,” though. I don’t agree with making kids eat everything they hate, but they damn sure shouldn’t get to sit in their plain-hamburgers-with-ketchup-and-maybe-plain-cheese-pizza comfort zone all the time (I’M LOOKING AT YOU, MY…

I did my internship at a state-run forensic hospital (felons who were considered insane but were guilty of their crimes). Please understand that there are people who are just awful - not mentally imbalanced, not burdened with a mental disease - just 100% shitty.

and sun damage, it is mostly sun damage. EMBRACE THE PASTE, PALE PEOPLE!

And cigarettes...

It didn’t work as full satire because the voice is pretty much in line with Jezebel’s usual tone, like you could have replaced maxi dresses with something else a Jez writer hates, like Ansel Elgort, and it wouldn’t have seemed out of place. So it read as, the writer genuinely has these feelings about the maxi dress…

With all due respect, if this is satire, it’s very poorly done. Most readers of this site are educated, bright, and quite humorous. If this was even a moderately well-written satire piece, more readers would have realized it.

Is that what was decided after the intended narrative didn’t catch on? LOL nice try.

I don’t know about you but, my mom told me in kindergarten that when a boy stabs me he’s just too shy to tell me he likes me.

I’m sure there’s more to this story. He probably held a door open for a woman earlier in the day and was under serious emotional distress because he didn’t receive an enthusiastic blowjob in payment.

I think there's a difference between telling people not to talk about being abused and people who are whining about things that really aren't that big of a deal