Oh hai, pupper!

I want to gently squish this doggie’s face skin and coo at him like a bird.

Oh hai, Jack! *ruffles floofy topknot through screen*

Oh hai, Dex! *boops screen*

Oh, hai, Arlo!

One of my good friends has two Boston Terriers. They are smart, willful and very, very cheerful.

That burn was so sick I’m going to have to open a window.

Yes.

I finally watched Requiem. Why? Why did I watch that?

Remember, everyone: Omarosa is a pastor.

And her training was not in psychology, either. She seemed to be a shitty human being. A Jewish women’s group got burned by her in Dallas when they invited her to speak. http://www.nydailynews.com/archives/entertainment/tough-love-dr-laura-seeks-sympathy-article-1.760858

My state senator told the press that the CRUSH of calls, visits and mail from his constituents was “concerted effort orchestrated by the Establishment.”

Oh my God.

Looks like some flashback from silicone-based powder that’s used for video and often looks patchy in stills?

I really like you people!

I’m now nervous thinking about how prominently the poop emoji appears in my texts.

Well, Jezebel went ape shit when Jessie J said she’d like to be as great a singer as Aretha way back when. Jez even said she was actually putting herself on par with the Queen of Soul. If I remember right, she said she’d like to be in a class with her.

I really like you. Well done!

I once wrote an acronym for some rage I was feeling at my best friend in fifth grade. Showed my sister. An hour later, I walk into a church classroom to discover my sister showing it to my best friend and explaining what each letter stood for.

When I’m tempted to put something nasty in an email, I imagine myself reading it in a deposition. Works every time.