Remember in the movie when whatshername told Christian to give her the worst he had, and he spanked her just 5 times?

I don’t let her use the iPad in the morning, but today, I was like TAKE THIS IPAD, PLAY ROBLOX, AND LET MAMA PACE!

Your proximity to Feliciano Lopez has me jealous. That and the ham.

Something outside woke me up around 5:30 am, so I thought, I’ll see if the Nadal match is still going. Holy shit. Did I feed my kid breakfast? What did she wear to school? Did I drive her there? No idea. It’s all a blur. FEDAL final.

Are you still thinking about this week’s Funbag? Would you rather have a vagina on your face or a back covered in dicks...

I don’t trust the universe anymore. I want a Roger/Rafa final so bad, but even if Rafa wins tomorrow, I feel like the universe will pull a Lucy and they will both get Norovirus the morning of the match.

Madeleine, did you get to see it? I can handle scary, like jump scares. I can’t handle gory scary. But then again I might endure anything for Bradley Whitford.

Large compared to what? Trump’s hands?

Cillizza...as I like to call him Sally Quin 3.0. (Mark Halperin is Sally Quinn 2.0, natch)

I forgot she was in that! I love The Burbs. Best Tom Hanks comedy.

She is very committed to wearing jumpers.

Jackie was really good. It’s beautiful and uncomfortable and worth the $.

I got a letter from Bear Bryant once, and I sat next to Jeremy Sisto at SoulCycle. That’s the best I got.

I just had a rum drink while on DayQuil. It’s...effective.

You know how you get underboob sweat? He gets undereyebag sweat.

Please, Lord, do not let James Mattis’ eyebags happen to me.

I stayed fully clothed on the plane. The same cannot be said in the land of Vikings. Hey-oh!

His wife slipped him gluten.

I binged Versailles on a flight to and from Iceland last week. I love asking my seatmate if they mind nudity.

At least Halperin lost his show. I hate him the most. So smug. So in love with access. So boring.