Awwwww, hell no. I was teased mercilessly for my freckles growing up and now you pale-faced ladies want to appropriate them? No. If freckles are trendy, then I get to enjoy the glory. Not you fake-ass bishes.

In the 70s, I had the Barbie-sized Leia doll. Then my brother took down her hair donuts, and I could never get them to look right after that. Needles to say, his Steve Austin doll met a horrible end involving our creek and some rocks.

That movie forever changed how I say bundt.

I just say “Ho Ho Ho” because you know we are all sluts.

So does baby Hitler.

Too bad he killed himself. I could see him starring in a buddy comedy with Ben Carson. The Fabulous Evil Fabulists.

She’s gross because she has moles?

Brian Moylan’s on Vulture are always amazing.

Yes! Minor leak at the pipe, but the smell probably came from our hot water heater firing.

We could smell gas in my driveway last night, so we called National Grid.

Karen Fairchild wore a metallic jumpsuit when she was on stage, and it was gorgeous. I need one for all my holiday parties. I don’t even care about the peeing issues.

Seems legit.

Yes, a mentally ill women who committed suicide at the age of 59 should have absolutely had children. Like, duh.

It’s only been three years since Katie escaped from Tom? Seems much longer than that.

Including a Kate Bosworth pic is fantastic shade. (I think that counts as shade. This place has me so self-conscious about using that word now.)

Does Mangeno even lift, bro?

She could teach some cops and school resource officers a thing or two.

Firefighters doing porn to pay for home repairs. Yesssss. Love Damon Suede.

That’s because Tobey Maguire ruins everything.

I’m putting on a bad gray wig and coating my face in Vaseline. Trey Gowdy, y’all!