Guyliner 4 eva! (Man, I miss LOST.)

I’ll start. Clancy Brown, aka Mr. Krabs

I’m in Newport. My kid’s accents sounds like a mix of Old Money and the guys from Cardi’s.

Thank you! I’m counting down in Ativan. Only 4 more Ativan pills til it’s done.

I sign my final divorce papers on Friday. We used a mediator and it cost us $2,500, and then $1,000 for the attorney to file and go to court with us. $1,750 apiece feels pretty cheap to me. PLUS I AM FINALLY FREE!

I was at the game where they retired Pedro’s jersey. Wept like a baby. But Christ on a cracker, it is the least sexy accent ever. And I’m including Lindsay Graham.

I spent the morning in Cranston. If I never heard that accent again, I’d be all set.

Holy fucking shit, Jay. This thing is uglier than Billy fucking Bucknah trying to field a ground ball.

Jay! We gotta go to Sully’s, bro. I need a dahk and stormy to settle my nerves. Plus, the Pats game is on. Go Pats.

He wrote ACME on the clock, so they thought...bomb.

If they really thought it was a bomb, why didn’t they call people who can recognize bombs right away? Couldn’t a member of a bomb squad say, “No, dipshits. Not a bomb.”

Becker? Bah. Stefan Edberg was it.

Thanks, doll! I’m sweet and sour. Happy to be moving to the next phase of my life, stressed at dealing with the details.

Separated, waiting to go into divorce mediation. Three weeks...praise baby Jesus.

My soon-to-be ex has been strangely nice to me since the AM story broke. I told him today, “I won’t search the Ashley Madison client list for your name if you promise to give me the All-Clad cookware.” He just laughed uncomfortably.

I think this point has gotten lost. He does what?! I need to youtube. Bless America’s heart.

Interesting! Maybe it’s my love of TV that protects me from finding the word “binge” triggering. Or maybe it’s extreme jealousy, since I have no time to binge-watch anything.

If Fitbits had existed in the 90s, I would have been all over that shit. And it would have been awful.

Jesus forgave him.

I’m sorry. That’s totally valid to not want to hear jokes or people making light of something that is really terrible.