I’m sorry. That’s totally valid to not want to hear jokes or people making light of something that is really terrible.

MY ED is sponsored by Nike and Beach Body.

As a recovered bulimic, I’d much rather hear a silly joke about it than read about my friends Fitbits or their clean eating plans or their Shake-ology lifestyle.

Abraham Lincoln : Donald Trump :: Jed Bartlet : King Joffrey

“Go ye therefore into all colleges, teaching all bros, baptizing the women in Natty Light, in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Ghost of Scott Baio.” Matthew 28:19

I have toe thumbs and never realized that my hand-jobs had value-added service built in. Thank you for pointing this out! My boyfriend is super lucky.

Yes, Mr. Franzen. Children all around the world are the same. It’s amazing how the worldview of kids raised on the UES is EXACTLY THE SAME as kids from war-torn Iraq.

I was getting them 4 to 5 times a year, so my doctor gave me a prophylactic Macrobid script. I take a one Macrobid after I bone. Have not had a UTI since.

Bill admitted that his anti-crime bill was a mistake.

I find a way to shoehorn in James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser into any conversation.

When my boyfriend says I’m “hella tight,” he’s referring to both my pussy and my gangster abilities. Basically, he won the lottery with me.

My company’s corporate travel agent, Sharron. She knows everything. (Sometimes working for a large enterprise has perks. Sometimes.)

I still wear an Esprit tank from middle school 1985, so I feel you.

Did I go through some standing stones and fall back in time to 2007? NO ONE should be wearing bandage dresses anymore.

I bought a pair of her leather motorcycle boots back in 2011, and I wear the shit out them. Comfy and they last. #TeamSimpShoes

America deserves a President that cares about and will weigh in on Twilight dramz.

I’m headed to Vegas alone at the end of September for work. My plan is to do what I always do. Read by the pool. In-room massage. Read in my room. Read at the Otto bar while stuffing my face with pizza and white wine. Sometimes I go to the sports book to watch a game. But I love going alone and being lazy.

I ran 2013 Boston with a tampon in. Got chafed on the string. Sat around in sweaty clothes for over 15 hours because of bombing and inability to get home. Ended up with staph infection on my right labia. What a week! THAT was terrorism.

That’s Steff from Pretty in Pink. Get on that.

Truth