Not sure what I’m watching? Jeez, get your eyes checked man.

The sex stuff this new generation is doing is out of control. Eye play?! That’s dangerous. Someone could go blind. In my day, the only kinky thing we did was watch The Mary Tyler Moore Show while making whoopie on the sofa. If you looked at the screen at the wrong time, sure, you’d climax to Ed Asner, but the worst…

Chrysler Mini Cooper is the name of the car. Not Chris Cooper.

Adaptation is the name of a Nicholas Cage film.

Should have gone with this adaptation.

Follow me on Twitters @CHIDSPIN, friend.

“She gave it up. She looked at the town. She saw that in adventuring from Main Street, Gopher Prairie, to Main Street, Joralemon, she had not stirred. There were the same two–story brick groceries with lodge–signs above the awnings; the same one–story wooden millinery shop; the same fire–brick garages; the same…

This sounds like a really fun trolling tactic, and I would have loved to take part in it myself if Cam Newton hadn’t stolen my laptop.

Coincidentally, $5,953 is how much pizza Chris Christie was trying to order on that train full of communists.

This never would have happened if Glen Rice Jr. had used a Saddleback Leather Passport Wallet with RFID shield, your favorite passport holder, available right now at the lowest price ever. With two card slots and a large bill compartment, you’ll have room for all $5,953 cash. Grab it while you can.

Unrelatable that’s rich maybe take a step onto my gridiron before you run that accusation my way kemosabe what subject do you teach obviously not reading comprehension because if you read what I wrote up above you’d see that the real assholes are the people who kiss their biceps and go to the government for a handout…

If this were 1975, that’d be one thing, but how does this continue to happen in 2015? It’s ridiculous! There’s STILL a professional basketball team in Wisconsin?

It’s called supporting journalists you care about. MAYBE TRY IT SOME TIME.

I can’t blame Grantland’s staff for struggling with the change. Have you ever sat on a warm toilet seat in a public bathroom? It’s horrifying. I’m not grossed out by other people’s germs or anything, but sweet jesus, some things are unsettling. Like when you’re eating a bowl of popcorn and you see a spider crawl out…

Seeing the profane reactions by Eagles fans in Weatherford’s mentions was actually quite shocking. I had no clue any Philadelphians could figure out how to post on Twitter, let alone afford a smartphone.

“Excuse me, but I’m hungry. I was told there would be Buffaloes?” -Chris Christie, moments before vowing never to return to the Ralph.

This reminded me of this pretty funny thing I read by some dumb Canadian about going to Bills home games this year, over at Vice. What a crazy bunch of loons these Bills fans are!

That’s fucked up. Anyway, you guys wanna see my autographed photo of LL Cool J?

I was teaching them how to read and RIGHT which means playing the game the RIGHT way not playing the game the hot dogging pants-dragging way these kids today play the game with their smartphones and their grinder dot com they can go to whenever they feel sad that they didn’t get a participation trophy in my literature…

Last time I checked excessive celebration is a penalty in the National Football League act like you been there before Clay Matthews, you’re a role model for children everywhere and you are acting like you never been there before and the little Millennials are eating it up I worked in the school system for thirty seven…