Jesus, this guy can't catch a break with medical problems and his eyes.

Somebody's cradling a lot of resentment.

well, it's not his fault. after all those concussions, he constantly hears atom ant as the voice in his head, goading him, goading him always. but tonight, atom ant was a drunken, slurring, nuisance . So Sidney lashed out; he just couldn't take any more of that "UP AND ARTEM!"

And here I thought the most visible gesture in soccer was the dive.

I...I don't know what happened your honor. The can said "INflammable."

Casey's brother Pat tried to retaliate, but he swung and missed like 600 times, and somehow cost the Pirates $2 million dollars in the process.

Desperation shot with too much time left? Any sorority girl at a bar when her best friend just left with some random dude.

Interestingly, "Little Victories" was Craig Hansen's Indian name.

It's okay kid. You'll never stop having them, but one day you might just learn to deal with those flashbacks to your horrific double cow milking accident.

More like Phil Jackson (is the size of) Five (people)! AMIRITE!1!!

"OK, so two cats can't get married if they want to get married"

That's a lot of strike outs for guys with four balls.

You guys got it all wrong. It's a conspiracy man. Listen, these sabermetrics guys are taking over the game man. Selig knows this, he knows it will ruin baseball. What's left to do? Fight back with irrational statistical values! A 4-3 strike out! Pitches that don't exist! Can't you see! This is Selig's way of breaking…

Listen, Sarge, I know you want to know what happened to my matching camo pants. I know, I know there's no excuse, but bear with me. Here's what happened. I pooped my pants.

Fitness may not be a computer, but you know what is? Chid. Chid is a computer, and has legs. Watch out fitness world!

I don't know, I heard the NuvaRing can be pretty hard to find and extract too.

If the house is a rockin'
please bring me a new stuffed animal in 5-10 minutes.

He made 4 months of a colic-y baby bearable. Highest praise.

Whole new meaning to batting cage.

Just thrilled that he didn't say 'it was a Brazilian league move on my part.'