Virtual Reality: No, It Really Hasn’t Improved At All!

Don’t leave out Huma Abedin! Not quite as firework-y as the other two but still a basic showing of a competent woman versus...those guys.

Sex is terrible. Seriously, why would anyone have sex? I mean maybe 25 or 50 years sex was okay, but I think today sex is just so over. Nobody should have sex. I’m going to go hang out with those severely autistic people who are obsessed with train schedules. I think they’re the ones who really know where it’s at.

For this purpose, I prefer this:

Viva Las Vegas

There’s a whole genre of misheard lyrics. The lady in my life apparently thought ZZ Top’s iconic song was “People Love Bagels” for a many, many years.

By Atheismo, YES this is such a thing.

Or you could just watch ONE movie...

Just gonna sit this out and pitch pennies until the sequel or remake of The Last Starfighter comes out. . .

Re, the Hawaiian shirt/bottomless coffee guy: Yeah, I don’t know what it is with people looking for love and thinking the barista or counterperson or whoever is their hot opportunity but. . . no. I would bet dollars to donuts that no one, anywhere, ever, has successfully asked a barista out on a date. Not that there’s…

Or you could just obey the law. That would also be a choice that you could make.

Listen, I know this is stereotyping and group-shaming but: After the Alexian Lien attack, it’s going to be many years before I can feel a lot of sympathy and fellow-feeling for bikers. What with the brake-checking (look it up), stunts, lane splitting, and generally entitled attitude of bikers, plus the cozy overlap…

There is a story that The New Pornographers were uninvited from a gig at ultra-christian Calvin College because, y’know, ‘pornographers’. Student union tried to explain that, no, they aren’t actual pornographers but admin said no dice.

I interpret that as ‘each customer was given a colonic.’

Inpervertent.

I will beg everyone’s credulous indulgence when I say: I totally predicted this. When I sat for two hours in a sports bar a month ago and saw probably 50 to 60 daily fantasy commercials on ESPN in that period, I remembered thinking, “This is the sort of thing states will be investigating soon.”

It has to be admitted that, at this juncture of time, “Not the Republicans” is a pretty robust, appealing political identity.

LEAVE MY HEART HOLE-PUNCH ALOOOOOOOONE!!

Wow, that is really uncharacteristically decent of this church group.

You can’t even be tempted with a sultry, naked Lincoln Chafee?