Listen, I know this is stereotyping and group-shaming but: After the Alexian Lien attack, it’s going to be many years before I can feel a lot of sympathy and fellow-feeling for bikers. What with the brake-checking (look it up), stunts, lane splitting, and generally entitled attitude of bikers, plus the cozy overlap…

There is a story that The New Pornographers were uninvited from a gig at ultra-christian Calvin College because, y’know, ‘pornographers’. Student union tried to explain that, no, they aren’t actual pornographers but admin said no dice.

I interpret that as ‘each customer was given a colonic.’

Inpervertent.

I will beg everyone’s credulous indulgence when I say: I totally predicted this. When I sat for two hours in a sports bar a month ago and saw probably 50 to 60 daily fantasy commercials on ESPN in that period, I remembered thinking, “This is the sort of thing states will be investigating soon.”

It has to be admitted that, at this juncture of time, “Not the Republicans” is a pretty robust, appealing political identity.

LEAVE MY HEART HOLE-PUNCH ALOOOOOOOONE!!

Wow, that is really uncharacteristically decent of this church group.

You can’t even be tempted with a sultry, naked Lincoln Chafee?

Virtual Reality: No, It Really Hasn’t Improved At All!

In my experience, religion tends toward the “magical sky fairy” view of religion.

“PULL MY FINGER, DRACULA!”

See this, this right here? We need a fitness band or smartwatch that looks like this before I’ll ever be interested.

That’s straight-up ridiculous: Doggy-style sex is the best of things.

Yes. That cross he’s holding up? It’s to ward off a rack of chinos at Target.

Hatchi matchi...

I have good memories of this show and of HGTV in general. In the years B.C. (Before Children), my wife and I—who both worked for academic institutions and so had lengthy holiday vacations—spent the Xmas/New Years week pretty much watching HGTV, drinking beer and turkey sandwiches nonstop while the Xmas tree lights…

As I’ve said elsewhere: Hot young barista girls are always super into me.

Meh. She ain’t gots enough meat for a guy like me.

We need to start a thread of “Reasons a UT Austin Student Would Shoot Someone.” I’ll go first: