I'm OK with him coming to my cable channels as long as he doesn't come on my remote control

Cardinal Fang, bring me…the comfy Iron Throne

SPOILERS: The winner is Lipitor

But did you "like" the naked pictures of yourself on Instagram? Or is that just a Kardashian thing?

Science has to go where the evidence takes it. Obviously not every artifact, and no dinosaur bones, are going to date from post 4004 BC. Accepting funding from groups that cannot accept evidence that contradicts their beliefs should be a poison pill.

**starts pondering how I can stuff my girlfriend**

Who needs insurance when a good bleeding cures almost everything.

Could be worse. Michael Bay could have the rights to Principia: The Motion Picture.

Kim Dickens from Deadwood? Absolutely.

I've always preferred Beer Advocate to Rate Beer so no big deal for me.

Ethanol is metabolized by the same enzymatic pathway that metabolizes ethylene glycol and in case of accidental poisoning at home is a good thing to administer while calling 911

Did you ever notice that you never see Lt. Governor Leftovers and Governor Chris Christie in the same room? That's because with Governor Christie there are never any leftovers

He had the motive. Term limits were going to force him out of office.

I wanted Jimmy Connors and Chris Evert in a cocaine fueled sex romp

Borg, James Borg. Agent 011011001001000100. (Still waiting for the Aston Cube with ejector seat)

I'd rather watch The Happy Meal Murders, where the Hamburgler kills all the other McDonald Land characters in an orgy of pink slime based violence.

You've obviously never had a rug burn on a sensitive area.

It's ok. There's only so much crazy one can remember. It's like we need a "Bat Shit Crazy Bingo" card or something.

Well that was patriotic because Obama was a black man who was going to take all their guns. Anybody who DIDN'T criticize Obama was an Un-American commie traitor.

She was obviously a proud graduate of Joseph McCarthy High School.