I still laugh at Trump's brain in Bill The Cat's body. The Trump Dump gold kitty litter box. I guess that's The White House now.

The irony is that candidate Trump would have slammed the bill for the Medicare/Medicaid cuts. President Trump had to support the bill because the alternative would have required him to spend time learning about the nuances of health care and drafting a bill, and less time golfing and watching TV

If only we had read this first, before spending thousands at a fertility specialist

He's fucking dogs too?!

The advice I always give people who have loved ones going through tough times is to not forget to take care of themselves. You can't help if you are stressed out or sick.
It's hard to help someone who won't help themself. If you push too hard you will get shut out. I would at least file a police report against…

Tabitha Soren, where have you been hiding?

Pepperidge Farms is 80 years old now, wants you to get off their lawn, and doesn't remember as much as they used to

There were a lot of America Firsters back in the 30's that were quite impressed with how Hitler had ended the Communist threat there and improved their economy and got the trains to run on time. And, yeah they had their Jewish problem, but as long as it wasn't too extreme and in the open then who were we to complain.…

Does heroin make you think an ex-President is tapping your phones too?

I've never heard that part of the body called tabbouleh before

Only the Southern Irish.

Mission Impossible 6: Saving Martha

His picture is like an Everlasting Gobstopper of outrage

Well, casting Tom Cruise as a Frost Giant was a stretch

Counterpoint: Thor told me that there are some places a girl shouldn't put Mjolnir's handle. The smell doesn't come out, you know?

I couldn't finish repl

Your prize says no but your lips say yes

I imagine High School Gym class was the worst when the girls ran by
*SNIKT*
"Ouch"
"Logan, buddy, slap it down"

I remember you. You were the "That's not mayo!" guy.

I'm waiting for the faucet that turns water into wine. The BioBacchus