In their defense, it’s a dumb idea with him, too.

So you’re saying Comcast wants to mine that nostalgia.....

He’s also just a superb punching bag for children, as he looks like a preteen that made a wish to be grown-up but basically only got taller.

Wow, you learn something new every day. I didn’t even know that unchecked capitalism that was designed by a woman even had dangers!

Beaten with the crossword and jumble section of the newspaper every day growing up

Wesley Snipes will be delighted to find out he starred in Coming to America in 1988, but less so when he finds out the makeup team made him look like Arsenio Hall throughout the entire film.

i used advanced image editing software to make a mock-up movie poster:

Jeff Goldblum / Aubrey Plaza

Popping in with my regularly scheduled reminder that you are terrible.

I call it… “The Bus with the Three-Picture Deal.”

I know I still have all my music from that era; Every time I’ve switched or upgraded computers since college I would basically copy the hard drive of the old one onto the new one. I’ve got like 3 or 4 systems worth of files accumulated at this point.

Hah, that’s nothing! My computer is set up so that if I stop writing for five minutes, a bus on a busy Los Angeles freeway explodes.

I thought the most dangerous app was Outback Steakhouse’s bloomin’ onion.

Hah! The joke’s on it! I never started!

“the town also recently renamed “an unmarked dirt roadway” near the ball “Weird Alley,” which is just delightful”

Someone worked hard to make that happen and I’m proud of them. 

Next up: Film Critic Mode, which will add captions below every scene explaining why your taste in movies sucks.

“You’ve got to listen to me! They’ve got my family, they have my daughter. And if I don’t get the word out about Dialing Down the Center, they’re dead. Do you understand what I’m saying? THERE’S A BETTER WAY TO PLACE YOUR COLLECT CALLS!”

They invested heavily in “minutes” in 1998 and aren’t just going to let them go to waste?

It’s Henry Cavill’s old moustache. Ever since he cut it loose, it’s been roaming Hollywood, attaching itself to unsuspecting actors.

Just like it is here.