One of the hardest parts of working out for me is choosing the exercise I’m going to do (mostly because I hate them all). I can’t imagine how Chidi decides whether it’s arm day or leg day. 

This is kind of like how I like The Wire but take issue with the way it portrays some of the Baltimore police as adept.

Yeah, but when am I getting a Fiona Apple to Apples?

I’ll take this over Shock-G’s later work as RNC Chair Michael Steele.

oh god that is how the monkey’s paw would twist it

It’s almost certainly not going to happen, but I could totally see Coulson and Daisy showing up in Avengers 4. We know Coulson is making an appearance in Captain Marvel, and they could easily use that film’s mid-credits sequence to reveal that he’s still alive (for the moment) in the present day. Show the Snappening…

It’s true, but unfortunately it’s not a by choice. Her cat just really hates her and ships her to Abu Dhabi while she's sleeping.

I was visiting family when the original commercial aired last year. My 94 year-old WWII-vet Granddad went, “Does it tweet lies, too?”

His cameo in Teen Titans go to the movies was probably the best one. And I say that as a huge Marvel fan.

“And don’t get me started on the women who get all flirty with me during the taping and then suddenly at the end of the show their husband or boyfriend show up. What is “cock tease”?”

“But what really bothers me is winning contestants who pretend to be broke when I go to shake them down, backstage after the game. Fuckers like that make me get stabby!”

I just figured his mother bit his father’s head off after copulating and then died after laying her eggs.

Emmanuelle 9: Emmanuelle in The Ozarks

*glances around corner of building at ravening horde of approximately 500 million families worldwide that will gladly pay for this*

I hope you spilled your brandy all over your ascot while typing this.

He looks like Darth Vader fucked a Dalek.

Super confused by adults that need to empty their bladders after an hour of sitting in the theater. Do you make 8 trips to the bathroom during your workdays?

Patton Oswalt is a good choice, but my kids are going to be wondering why Max now suddenly sounds like Remi the Rat.

If its Super Mario bros 2 then they can take an existing ‘obscure outside Japan’movie and just greenscreen mario in to some scenes.

I was saying Blum-urns!