Everyone hates you.

Send whichever of those stories is your absolute best to the email at the bottom of the post.

Now that I've seen the footage, 2 games seems about right.

So true. You nailed it. So many NFL players have taken out busloads of children, that's a legitimate concern. That's probably why Roger is coming down so hard on Gordon instead of Ray Rice. Let's be real, the NFL has more experience with busloads of children dying at the hands of a WR high on marijuana than they do…

The team is an an awkward position.

You know how I know you're a huge cunt? You just used "doper" as a pejorative. HI DAD

How does suspending him for 16 games keep him from taking out a school bus?

Too bad he didn't just punch his girlfriend in the face - then he'd be safe from severe punishment.

Because if "B" had been labeled "A" instead, he wouldn't have tested positive at all. It's literally a coin flip. That's not a great way to run your testing program.

He smoked a J;
Then took a P;
And somehow A
Had more than B.

"I abhor domestic violence. Now, watch as I make all kinds of excuses for committing domestic violence."

The fuck did you expect them to do?

Yeah, it's really fucked up when you support a wife-beater and people twist things to make it look like you support a wife-beater.

The fuck did you expect them to do?

"He did what he did, and it was shocking and sad and unfortunate. But what happened, happened. Ray can't change that. "

Are you auditioning for ESPN?

Hi, Ravens PR Dept!

Yeah, because the Patriots' PR guys really tried hard to show the fans' support for Aaron Hernandez.

I never saw Jim Abbott fist pump either.

I never saw Cy Young fist pump

After reaching first base, Pujols fired an imaginary arrow at Hamilton, which struck him in the chest and put him on the 60 day DL