I was joking. I'm sure you look great in jeans and t-shirt.

There's an urban legend concerning Sharpies and coffee cups? I just googled it and found nothing. Care to expound?

Right, jeans and a t-shirt doesn't mean you're a lazy worker, it just means that you are a lazy dresser. :-)

Brilliant double-fail. Huge mess to clean up AND no tasty pizza.

Wow. I thought washing everything after every wear was normal.

They can't all be Caity. Cut her some slacks.

Weddings and funerals are two occasions where the customer gets soaked for every last penny they can spare, and plenty that they can't, and it's all ok.

Urp. The more you know, I guess.

For me, it's all about taste, not about what the product offers or promises. I've tried a variety of toothpastes, all mint, but no two tasted the same. I've settled on Crest Prohealth. It has a better flavor than any other paste I've tried.

My savings account is my emergency fund.

"You know how sometimes you get a really stupid idea in your head, and it won't just go away until you, somehow, act upon it?"

Clearly, I'm only here as a canvas for you to decorate with your bitterness.

Whatever is going on in your life that you felt the need to insult a total stranger for no reason, I hope it gets better.

Ugh.

T-Swizzle??

Just take a jar of plain mayo and leave it open on the counter for a few days. Viola! Miracle Whip.

I have several questions I would like to ask a police officer. Can you line up a cop?

"MacFarlane sucked." - A bunch of uptight losers with baseball bats stuck up their asses

I can't watch it.  Archer is voiced by the same guy who does Bob in Bob's Burgers.  I just can't buy him as Archer.