Take note, religious nuts.

Wife: "AAAAAAIGHHHHGHHHH!!!!!"

Well, they do still have their cords attached. I'm not sure exactly when the cutover (ha!) occurs, but you're probably right. I guess once they leave the nest, they're no longer fetuses.

"Fight for the Right to Wear Pants"

How do you say, "An embryo cannot be murdered because it is not a person" in Spanish?

Fetuses can too sing, and in harmony no less! Or have you never heard "Prom Night Dumpster Baby"?

In keeping with the Potter theme...

Best age for abortion: The age you are when you get pregnant and decide you do not want a baby.

I'm pretty sure I'm the only person who doesn't have Netflix and has never borrowed anyone's password.

Old joke:

Assuming 8,8106,00 is really 8,810,600, how do the Dolphins get more than twice as many FB likes than the team with the 2nd highest total, Dallas?

I don't care much either. Their situation affects my life in exactly zero ways. Let them go, keep them locked up for life, either way, it matters not at all to me.

My Palahniuk phase ended after I finished reading his entire body of work.

You're right, it does start forming immediately. But the longer you wait, the harder it gets and the more difficult it is to remove from teeth. Once it's hardened into tartar, floss no longer does the trick, you need dental instruments to remove it. My hygienist once confided in me, you *should* floss daily, but…

Like my denstist always says, "You don't have to floss all of your teeth, only the ones you want to keep."

My floss smells like mint. How should that affect my decision?

This is SOOOOO not true.

"You didn't build that."

Same guy who bought 10,000 shares of Facebook on IPO day?

Sorry, I get hung up on words like "transcendent" because they're most often used by pretentious people trying to appear intelligent.