That's under the 'Donte' Stallworth' section.

Wait, where's 'getting hit by a car'?

"Anything I can do to help?"

Correct me if I'm wrong, but does he also have a picture of a box of cereal on his shirt?

Oh cripes, here we go again.

This is not the way I thought I would hear about Joan Rivers' passing.

I'm an Eagles fan and I live in Philly. 99% of the stories listed above just didn't happen. It can get rowdy, especially in the years of the Vet, but it's not that much different from other cities inside the stadium. The parking lots can get a little rough, and the scene isn't for kids, but these stories are…

Counterpoint: I enjoy reclining.

Listen, you assholes. Vanilla ice cream, from a tub of vanilla ice cream, is good. In a tub of Neapolitan ice cream, however, nobody but psychotics and Nazis goes for the vanilla first.

Whatever Deadspin. Just stick to snake fucking.

He prefers to call it his "practice pond."

Beat part is that Jolie Kerr is not my real name and yet you're the suspect one.

Last year David Aardsma (pitching for the Mets at the time) tweeted that his bed was stolen from his new apartment in New York (weird, right?). It happened after he blew a save, so I said if he blows one again I'm coming back for the dresser. He blew it that night, and blocked me.

I laughed so hard it left a Trail of Tears.

I'd be sad, too. History, recent or otherwise, hasn't shown Washington to be very hospitable to Indians.

Vodka Samm is growing up so fast.