Gov. LePage is very disappointed the 21 year old white girl was attacked by a literal and not figurative rabid animal.

The Raccoon Weekly Sentinel has a version of events, noting that an autopsy on Bandit-E9458 showed no signs of rabies and digging into the human’s past altercations with animals, including her stepping on a field mouse when she was 9.

He’s the humanoid equivalent of Vogon Poetry.

STOP HARASSING OUR GREAT LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD MASTER OF DEALS HE JUST LOST HIS DEAR FRIEND THE GREAT ROGER AILES A GREAT MAN THAT SPENT HIS LIFE FIGHTING FAKE NEWS.

We all know about the wild and wacky adventures of Florida Man, but somehow, we all forgot that Florida Man may have a child badge.

Will his son, Barron, be in charge? I was led to believe his son is unbelievable at “teh cyber”.

You wouldn’t hire a writer or a librarian if your intent was to burn books, you’d hire an illiterate.

She has a self driving car. She doesnt know the drivers name and assumes he comes with the car.

I wouldn’t trade that trusty Go-Devil for the world.

Ouch, that impact probably knocked his monocle out.

He was right - we will get tired of all the winning. I know I am.

are you under the impression this is not a thing that happens in america

because if so, holy lol, do I have bad news for you about your local homeless population

only difference is that here, the doctors aren’t allowed to give them anything to reduce the chances they’ll be coming back to the emergency room, costing you…

This is yet another reminder that having a child does not suddenly make you an expert on literally anything, and that the act of birth is something that literally billions upon billions of people around the world, both very smart and incredibly fucking dumb, have done throughout millenia.

This sounds absolutely ridiculous to me, at a Jerry Springer level…how can anyone like this even get voted in to office? But then again, it’s probably just me being an immigrant who just doesn’t understand and hasn’t assimilated to these conservatives’ so called “American culture”.

Can we maybe stop talking about his tweets? There are things that the Republicans are doing everyday that threaten the American way of life. The president’s asinine tweets are the perfect cover as they are both sensational and largely inconsequential. Let’s give it a rest. Please? Our way of life, based on some of our…

ICE did this to intimidate immigrants. They are Trump’s brownshirts.

If only there was a way to film those turkeys so they’d all fit in the shot at the same time instead of panning back and forth... Shame.

I hope that venom is ethically sourced at least, and you don’t walk out of a salon with 500 bee butts dangling from your cheeks.

*Trump is Hitler but worse.

Pictured Donald Trump: