“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying." - Mark Twain

I don't believe in lifetime passes. I've been burnt before - in the late nineties I probably made some kind of lifetime pass proclamation about Johnny Depp based on his incredible nineties run… That did not pan out.

I think it's because in his movies he's trying to shape his comedy into something he thinks American audiences will enjoy and buy, whereas on TV he's pitching at a British audience which tends a bit more to the cerebral and weird.

She never got her pen licence.

What? He was the best Young Gun!

I'm sure they read the books and watched the movies, and even enjoyed them. But these are not people with the critical thinking skills to extrapolate allegorical themes. They're fucking morons. They enjoy the stories because they're written for children.

Thiel also somehow secured NZ citizenship despite meeting none of the criteria.

It is kinda tricky to get a work visa in NZ, but if you're willing to live outside of Auckland or the other "big" cities it's a whole lot easier. Forbes has noted that NZ is where a bunch of billionaires are buying up secluded properties for when the shit hits the fan.

The Bowie song I've had in my head since the morning after the election is "It's No Game." That's the one for this American moment:

It does not. Being a parent does make you immune to your own child's high-pitched voice, when they're not being total jerks, but every other child is still annoying. And screeching cartoons and Elmos are insufferable.

Other People.

It's like if somebody… didn't… understand metaphors.

When I moved to New Zealand I was confused by a series of ads and billboards for ginger beer that featured a bear mascot who, unlike that party-dude polar bear that used to advertise Bunderberg Rum, just had no personality.

The Eggo marketing team is insidious.

A few Car Seat Headrest albums are on YouTube. I started with "How to Leave Town" and loved it.

Oh, you just reminded me. Ben Affleck two or three months ago wasn't drinking but 100% pinned on coke or speed or something. All jerky twitches and sweat and grinding jaw and tiny, tiny pupils. Maybe steroids? Not sure how they manifest but looked like coke or speed to me.

Lawrence must be one of the few Hollywood celebrities that fall for it. Usually they won't touch their glass the whole show, or worse they've got a tumbler of water. Meanwhile John Bishop or whoever is on their third.

Tell that to Nigel Tufnel.

I'm a dummy.

THAT WAS THE PIXIES' AND HE STOLE IT!