We all lie in the bed we make, but sometimes that bed is a road. And so instead we end up walking where we sleep. But if we don’t like where we are going, its time to have a different dream. For Ellen, its time for her to wake up, into a new dream, where she can lie down, and walk her own path.

New screen names hiding old racists trying to get ungreyed only works sometimes.

$200,000 seems more than a bit low. There needs to be a couple of zeros added to it; this does not include the money spent on upgrading the building which should be extra.

They gonna die. 

He looks like a psycho rat about to murder the entire cat population.

What soul or morals is Deion Sanders selling? Hasn’t he always been a piece of shit narcissist?

Portnoy congratulating Deion on his new job...

The only thing he ever cared about wrapping up was his next guaranteed money.

Did Deion Sanders ever have morals in the first place? This is the same dude who “found Jesus” when it became fashionable and profitable, like his buddy MC Hammer.

your photo editors have a gift for choosing the absolute most unflattering stills of people

In the process to restore his hairline Prime has lost his goddamn mind...

Shall we repair to my study? I have a Victorola in there and a record that might be of interest to you. No ladies will be present.

I hate when dudes rap about how much they like fucking. I see nothing wrong with applying that same standard to Cardi and Meg. That doesn’t mean mocking them, it just means ignoring some of their content and snickering when writers act like this routine is ground breaking and revelatory. Foxy Brown, Eve, Li’l Kim off…

i mean for the most part yeah, but, tell that to ASU.

Gah! Damnit now i’m going to have a nightmare tonight.

Coming in six months: the commercial where he gets in a drunken bar fight, gets a (peanut) shell fragment lodged in his eye, and has to start wearing a monocle and carrying a cane for self-protection.

I think Meyers has been losing touch a bit while “on his own”. That’s the only thing I can think of that explains his need to cling to that damn annoying sea captain crap. Someone needs to tell him to stop that.

I love both Ruffin and Wilmore! I look forward to their shows. I hope Wilmore gets more than 30 minutes for a talk show this time around.

People hate baby peanut and love baby yoda, so simply combine the two to get a moderately likable mascot. I present to you, Baby Yonut Jr.

From that article where he admits the goal of Florida Unemployment is to avoid helping people: