WOW. Woooow.

Let me translate for you: “Can the woman who was sexually abused, raked over the coals publicly and legally by her abuser, and prevented from producing her own work make some fun songs already to remind me why I even care?”

I learned better French from a talking pineapple who hangs around with a band of skeletons.

I feel like I should marry myself for free gifts like Carrie did in that one episode of “Sex and the City.”

I thought the same thing about Rich’s characterization, The man could not have been more gracious, during what must have been an epically humiliating moment.

For all the times I like Jezebel, it’s things like this that are driving me away. A lot of the staff write callous and snarky things for no reason. It’s just mean for the sake of mean a lot of the time.

“Moonlight: Best Picture,” spat Horowitz.

Yeah, I thought the Lala Land producers handled it with exceptional grace. They took it on themselves to announce that they hadn’t won, quickly got out the message that Moonlight had won, and tried to reassure the Moonlight team that this was all real and they should get up on stage. Like that’s a lot of crazy in…

“Moonlight: Best Picture,” spat Horowitz.

No Hills? Really, kids? Here’s a woman whose worst affront to humanity continues to be that she’s a woman. Ambitious, brilliant, wonky, and, despite the fact that she’s been surrounded by a panoply of assholes for the better part of five decades, STILL wanted to be President. The fact that she won the popular vote by…

I’d also like to point out that there was a woman who won the popular vote for president of the United States by nearly 3 million votes despite liberal news sites like this one taking giant shits on her for over a year during the primaries.

I don’t understand why Tiffany Trump is always being celebrated. She did nothing except implicitly (maybe explicitly?) support her father by showing up to his most important campaign events.

I hate that my ex broke up with me for stupid reasons. I hate that I’m sick. I hate this stupid ice in Maryland and hate this cold.

Pro tip if you ever have to fly southwest again, check in 24 hours before on their website. And when I say check in I mean set an alarm for a minute before and have your mouse cursor on the button ready to go exactly 24 hours before your flight like you’re in line to buy Beyoncé tickets. It takes 2 minutes of your…

Just came to say the same. Why are we shitting on Southwest? I love them. They have great customer service and they don’t nickel and dime you on shit like bag fees.

Before we go any further: Southwest is definitely not beneath me. United and their garbage are definitely beneath me. Fuck United.

Yes I’m sure he was worried about having mean things said about him rather than delegitimizing an election in progress.

He also said that although it may not be apparent, the United States has reacted swiftly to Putin’s alleged hacking. “I felt that the most effective way ... was to talk to him directly, and to tell him to cut it out and there would be consequences if they didn’t.”

It’s been interesting watching Twitter after the press conference. All the reporters are talking about the Russia Hacks or the fainting episode or anything but the two solid minutes where Obama lambasted them for running with the hacked email narrative for 6 months then wondering why it was such a big deal.

A heroine crisis? What a shame!

I was chatting to a nice young man at a music festival a few months ago, he was absolutely flying off his tits and trying to come down. I thought I would offer him some kindly wisdom, but when I asked him what he had taken, he reeled off a whole long list of stuff I had never even heard of, and just a couple of things…