Oy, my parents are the worst offenders. Here are a few recent gems from dad (60): "U coming tonite or tmrw?"; "Wat u want 4 xmas?"; "K. C u in hr." Of course, my 19-year-old sister manages to type words fully and properly, with appropriate grammar!

Yeeeesssss. This is so teeming with fundamental attribution error it makes me want to cry for those poor (lady) souls who enlist the help of eHarmony in finding a “suitable” man. And perhaps this list and the basic issues it is derived from are also true in the reverse, but I’m going to go out on a limb of the…

No. Gatsby and cohorts never wore skinny pants. They look ridiculous.

Nihilist.

There's an app for that.

At first glance, the sign in the photo appeared to be billboard-sized, and I though, "Yeah! Way to show such support, decent North Carolinans!" Then I realized it was just a teeny little lawn sign. Not nearly as powerful. :/

It also doesn't work if your girlfriend who up and moves to Ireland refuses to upgrade from her stone-age Motorola flip phone... 3 a.m. Skype conversations it is!

Sea sponges.. Seriously. I've been sticking a sponge up my hoo-ha in lieu of tampons for over a year now, and I will never, ever go back. So amazing. My vagina has never been in better shape.

Wow, I had no idea this was even a thing (for people).. I need to find an event to see this in person. I'm intrigued.

This is hilarious! But also true! I regularly skate at a roller rink in a terrible, terrible city - a city that has absolutely nothing going for it, not one good neighborhood, and some of the highest crime rates in the country - and the place is PACKED with people from the area. Kids, adults, and everything in…

It's creepy at night, for sure. I appreciate the concept, but the bomber garden is just way more my style. At least it's not tucked in to some obscure corner somewhere!

The newest Claes Oldenburg sculpture here in my city, Paint Torch, is a giant paintbrush suspended over a glob of what is actually paint but looks like dog poop.. Poop that will get you many minutes of wi-fi.

I've been plagued with varying intensities of shin splints over the last couple of years while playing roller derby. I wear speed skates, which are very minimalist and offer almost no support. There's no way to change gait without compromising proper form, as you can do in running. I've found that stretching my shins…

Many, many people read the Times just for the Op-Ed section, because they have world-famous columnists writing each week. Kristoff is among them, as are Maureen Dowd and Paul Krugman. Op-Ed is always well-represented on the front page of the website (does anyone even read print editions anymore?).

A. E. Housman. You are doing your child an excellent service!

I LOVE this dress. LOVE LOVE LOVE it. Unfortunately, I have some heartbreaking news for everyone who is currently daydreaming about getting married in it (including me):

It's not necessarily the by-products that are bad (though I wouldn't ever eat beaks and toes and shit and I wouldn't want my cat to have to either, but that's my personal choice for us). It's that the lower-end foods are carb-heavy, which is bad for cats and dogs, who primarily need proteins and fats. This can cause…

Masturbation IS a gateway drug to abortions! I am sooo into abortions now, because I spent way too many years masturbating. Masturbation just doesn't do it for me anymore. I especially get my rocks off when they do a trans-vaginal ultrasound. There is nothing sexier, IMO. I hardly ever masturbate anymore, now that I…

Deplorable, but not actually that unheard of. [www.trendhunter.com]

Sure way to get a yeast infection..